I posted about a client of mine back in July, under one of my Dear Debbie posts. The woman was sad, she had lost her happiness and the husband was concerned. They were both suffering, in fact, so were the kids. A family affected by sadness.
The first session included hubby. She sat in the chair rolled up like a ball, he sat across the room, constantly interjecting his thoughts and interpreting for her. By the end of the session, she laughed for the first time in two years. Second session, she returned with hubby, who sat in the waiting room this time. We worked on her finding her voice. She started to practice speaking up, feeling worthy of her words and being heard. She went home to practice singing loudly, making her needs and desires known and affirming her value. The third session we began to discuss how her relationships were shifting as she was changing. Again, hubby waited in the waiting room.
Today’s session, she drove to my office alone. ALONE! She had prepared a list of changes she had noticed and concerns she still encountered. She will be returning to work very soon and therefore encountering a person and memories of what began her recent journey into sadness. We reviewed her list. With each concern she had, I was able to show her how far she had progressed. These concerns were not anything she ever could have voiced originally. She began to smile, realizing how tough she had been on herself.
Then I asked her about the return to work and the memories of what had occurred. She began to fret. I asked her a few more probing questions and her shoulders began to hurt. She was physically reacting to my line of questions. So, I had her close her eyes and breath deeply. Then she was to imagine a large bucket in front of her. Into that bucket, I instructed her to begin placing the parts of the pain she could identify. We would later burn that rubbish, when she had filled the bucket. When she became stuck, we invited the offending party to sit in a chair next to the bucket. This person was not permitted to speak, simply listen.
My client began to express all the anger she had towards this individual. She told of the pain she had felt and she felt her family had suffered as a result of their situation. She got angry, her face red, she cried real tears. She was amazingly strong. She told this person how she had trusted, befriended them. She stated how hard she had worked; “I tried really hard for you”, she raged. She proclaimed how she had changed and stated, “I just need you to know I’ve changed.” Then, slowly, she began to slow down and forgive this individual. Releasing this person from her life, allowing healing to begin. As she sat and wept, I quietly asked her, ” you said you tried really hard for the other, what if instead, you tried really hard for yourself? How would that feel?” She smiled, slightly and continued crying softly.
After a few moments, I asked her, “you stated that you just need the other to know you’ve changed, what if you just know and accept how much you’ve changed?” Again, a smile and a quiet calm seemed to be coming over her. Then, I asked, ” what if this person is neither good or bad? What if they are simply a combination, like you and I are, of both good and bad moments and qualities? Imagine if this person was simply in your life to teach you about yourself. Fulfilling a role as a teacher?”
She slowly quieted completely.
Next, she told me she wanted to get rid of the bucket, not burn it’s contents. So, we attached a helium balloon and watched it float off into the jet stream until it was gone.
Finally, she visualized herself, strong and confident; the same image she has been using since our second meeting, a power self. The strong one stretched out her arms and invited her to assimilate the two parts of her into one being. She literally held and hugged herself for a long silent time. When everything was complete, she opened her eyes and I was stunned. She looked different, her eyes round, her face soft, she was beautiful!
This was a new person sitting in that chair across from me. She knew it as well. She smiled at me and said, I feel as though I am meeting you for the first time. I gave her a hand mirror and she cried tears of joy this time, telling her reflection how she had missed seeing that face. It was a different face than had first come to visit my office.
When we were complete, I walked her to the door. I said, “You have graduated”. She smiled and agreed. We both knew she had become her happy self again. She promised to keep in touch. I hummed the Pomp and Circumstance song for her as she walked out of my office. She giggled and danced and marched in the parking lot.
Today, I graduated a client, with honors.
