Recently I was treated poorly by an individual who shall remain nameless. He was rude and inconsiderate, so I confronted him on his behavior. He held on to his right to be so rude, so I have jettisoned him from my life and my practice. After our conversation, I decided I wanted to go to Zumba and work off some of the energy that this had created in me. When I arrived at class, I announced that I had made a choice between killing someone and dancing it off. Obviously, by my attendance, the dance/Zumba won. I felt this was a great way for me to turn the energy into something positive and redirect my thinking.
I was amused by a classmate whom I recently have begun to know and like, when said she was surprised at my emotion. She has read my blogs and said something to the effect of, “you sound perfect in what you write”. I laughed with her as I am far, very far from perfect. I have tools to use when I am upset and I consider exercise one of them. I did do some deep breathing on the way to class and even my comment was a failed attempt at using humor. I would love to report that I remain unflustered when others push my buttons that I am all Zen and consider rudeness neither good nor bad, but no, I am not there yet.
Furthermore, I do believe that boundaries are important and there are times one needs to set them. I have had others correct me on occasion, in that regard. There are those who seem to think I should just shine on when another is not respectful of my time and ability. I understand where they are coming from, but I will respectfully disagree with them. I don’t have a need to prove anything to such people regarding my value or the value I offer through my practice. I understand that there will always be those who disagree with me. What I won’t allow is blatant disregard. If your time is valuable and your contributions are to be respected, so are mine.
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” Brené Brown
I have a friend who also recently fired a client. She felt that the time and effort this individual was demanding was beyond the income produced by serving them. She decided her emotional balance was more important than any amount of money. We had discussed this prior to her making the move and agreed it was important for her to establish boundaries with this individual. After she had her conversation with the now former client, she reported feeling lighter.
Imagine shedding over 100 pounds in an instant? It is dead weight that is holding you back when you allow another to treat you poorly. You are going to resent it and that can cause emotional eating or stuffing. (Or nail biting or trichotillomania or any of dozens of damaging behaviors. I don’t want to give anyone that much real estate in my head (or my belly)! Turning my anger into an excuse to exercise, I like. After all, during exercise my brain is releasing all kinds of feel good chemicals, plus burning up stored fuel in my body. After Zumba, I was happy as a clam and even went on to a silly Girl’s Poker Night. (I lost all $3 in coins that I bet, but it was worth the giggles.)
