Love Stinks

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Valentine’s day, the most romantic day of the year. Yeah, right;

Love stinks!

“You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can’t win

One thing for sure
Love stinks!”

Maybe you remember the J. Geils Band?

If you believe love stinks, love hurts, there aren’t any good ones out there anymore, anyway;perhaps it isn’t what’s out there that is the problem. Maybe, just maybe, you have stinking thinking. If that is so, then STOP IT right now. You can look around to blame all you want, but that isn’t going to help you find someone to cozy up with. (Unless you really do want to spend all your nights with a puppy or a kitty!)

Your barrier to true love is in your mind—your subconscious mind. Change your mind, and you can—and will—attract your true love.

The truth is, our brains are hard wired to go to the negative. We tend to regress to the familiar, we want to prove our beliefs over and over. So, if past experience has told us that we are doomed to fail in relationships or we only attract losers, we will continually look for the proof. Everything can be “perfect”, but one small miss step and the mind latches on to that and says’ “Ah Ha! See, you are headed down the path of doom again!” Then the downward spiral begins.

An effective way of changing your thoughts is to make eye contact with yourself. Sounds silly? It works. Daily, look into your eyes, not just at your face in the mirror. Give yourself that positive feedback you would love to hear from a loved one. Smile. Your subconscious hears you when you do this.

Next, as you are falling asleep at night, you go through Theta brainwaves. So, focus on the emotions you want to feel. Picture yourself in love. Not with a specific target, but just imagine how love would look if it were a part of your life. Feel those wonderful feelings of pleasure and happiness. Imagine the places you would go, the things you would do.

Finally, use humor to ward off negative thoughts, rewire those synapses. Instead of thinking what a jerk your last lover was, imagine him/her as a cartoon like character. See the humor in what they are. Imagine yourself riding into the sunset with Prince Charming or Princess Dreamy.

Last Saturday I was scheduled to give a 2 hour talk on making your mind recession proof. This was a free talk I was giving in honor of World Hypnotism Day. It was held at Oak Trail Books, a lovely book store that hosts this event annually for me.

Press releases were sent out in advance and the result was amazing. I am still receiving calls from folks who saw articles written about the event in newspapers and periodicals I was unaware of. Our local CBS affiliate had me on in the morning show, at 5:45 a.m. and 6:45a.m.! (That was a testimony to my dedication to hypnosis, trust me. I drove an hour to be there, getting me out of bed at 3:20 a.m. I believe my son was just going to bed as I was waking up.) The interviews were fun, I was given the opportunity to put two different producers into trance, live on the air.

The phone at the store rang off the hook. There were so many people calling to say they would attend, we decided to break the hour into two one hour segments. That way, more could attend comfortably, we figured. The building was filled to capacity. The second event, we moved outside to a lovely garden area the store has, it was full. I ended up giving a third talk on Sunday, so those who could not fit into the first two were able to attend.

At the end of each talk, I did a short hypnotic journey. Reminding people of times they felt happy, safe and content. I asked that they make the memory as real as possible, recalling familiar smells, sounds and images. We intensified the memory as if we were creating a movie in our minds. When the moment of contentment arrived, we placed our index finger and thumb together to make a physical anchor for that moment. Breathing it in and feeling our contentment, we felt our fingers. We repeated this process 3 times. Now, the simple memory of that moment, touching the fingers together and a deep breath will help us handle any situation life may hand us with calm grace.

For me, the pleasure was seeing so many people walk away with some new idea that they could use in their own life to better their thoughts. I tried to fit as much into each hour as I could. Perhaps my favorite suggestion for one and all is to look up. That’s right, look up. You see, when we look up as we discuss a concern, the emotion drains and we can get into fact finding and solution creating. Think about it this way, when we pray, we look up to the heavens. When we feel optimistic we say, “things are looking up”. Where does a person who is depressed look?

So my friends, look up! Speak your concerns while looking up, then breathe deep and close your eyes. Allow your eyes to relax and begin to imagine a future moment where the concern is behind you. You are now looking ahead, fear is behind you. Breathe into that moment, that solution and realize that fear only exists in your thoughts.

Often, one of the first things people think of with hypnosis is the phrase, “Look into my eyes”. In fact, it tickles me when someone hears what I do and their first response is to avert their eyes and say something to the effect that they are afraid of eye contact with me. They are afraid of the power they believe I will hold over them. If only that power was true, there would be world peace and my sons would clean their rooms automatically!

There is power in my eyes, however. You see, when I look into my own eyes, deep within, I am amazed at who is looking back at me. This is something I practice often. (This is another one of those daily habits I have included in my list.) All too often, we look at our faces, when brushing teeth or washing, putting on make up or shaving, but we avoid actual eye contact. Perhaps, it is something many people never even think to do. Yet, it is so amazingly powerful.

Try looking deep within your eyes, make eye contact just as you would when meeting a friend and then repeat something positive about yourself aloud. Start by using your name and follow with an affirmation of your value. For instance, if you are a working on shedding those extra pounds, begin with your name and how you deserve to look great and feel healthy. The first time, it may feel a bit silly, but repeat it. Do this daily for a week and you will begin to notice a difference in your perceptions of yourself.

Here is a quote from a recent email sent to me by a client who I suggested try this technique: “Thank you again, I feel like I am on a flying cloud. If this is what looking in the mirror and talking to myself does, I am not stopping!” I have another client who uses the rear view mirror each time she gets into the car to remind herself how calm and confident she is on her way to a sales call. She has commented how much easier her commute has become from home to office and from office to customer. So, if you notice someone in the car at the stoplight next to you who seems to be holding a conversation with themselves in the rear view mirror, remember, they may just be creating a safer traffic flow for you too!

I guess to sum this up: The eyes have it!