Listening Awareness Month

Written by: Debbie

March is International Listening Awareness Month, as proclaimed by the International Listening Association (ILA). The mission of the ILA, according to their site is to advance the practice, teaching, and research of listening throughout the world. Interestingly, we are, in general very poor listeners. According to the International Listening Association, we only retain about half of what we hear immediately after we hear it, and only about 20% beyond that.

Last evening I went to a fun event (Hockey ‘N Heels) with a friend at the Amalie Arena. There were numerous women attending and so we were broken into groups as we toured a very large arena. The tour guides were very clear in their instructions, in order that people would remain safe while having a good time. The two of us noticed how frequently those instructions were ignored. In each of the stops along the tour, information was shared by both Lightning Team members and those who work in the background of the arena.

I learned a ton, yet still, I have to admit I have forgotten as much as I learned. My mind wandered off to much of the other stimulus that was going on at the same time. The constant chatter of the ladies with their friends showed me that they too were often other directed. I noticed that some of the ladies seeming to be caught up in their own world, wanting to share their views and hear their own voices instead of listening to the speaker.

Tampa Named Most Stressed-Out City In The U.S.

Written by: Debbie

Tampa made a top 10 list, in fact it made it to the number one spot! But, not a list we like to brag about around here.

Sperling’s BestPlaces, a research firm specializing in livability rankings, has released its new study of major cities with the most and least stress. The study analyzed a variety of factors associated with stress, including suicide, divorce, crime, joblessness and lengthy commuting.
With that in mind, I decided to do my part to help reduce the stress. It may not be the cure, but if it even helps change one attitude, I believe the butterfly effect may begin.

Click Here For Calm

Be sure you have a few minutes to enjoy, uninterrupted. Then please, share with anyone you might know that could use a moment of comfort.

7 Ways To Offer Love

Written by: Debbie

Once again, I am honored to have the contributions from P. W. Dowdy. My connection with this fabulous writer can only be described as a miracle. We live miles and miles apart. We have only been connected through the magic of the internet and yet, I feel as though she is my friend, maybe even my sister. She sent this article to me for sharing and I feel blessed to be able to do so.

7 Ways To Offer Love

Due to Hollywood propaganda, offering effective love today can lie in obscurity for some. Flowers and other wooing are great flatterers, but can our non- emotional actions express love more effectively?

In Sonnet 116, Shakespeare noted that “love alters not with its alterations find, nor bend with the remover to remove…it is ever fixed…never shaken.”

In that actions commonly proceed from attitude, Shakespeare’s attitude about live is a great place to start. If you wish to show love to someone – whether they understand it immediately or not — here are 7 Do’s and Don’ts:

As Shakespeare encouraged, commit to love the person in spite of their fragilities or shortcomings. You have faults as well, which your loved one is also discovering as your relationship matures.
Don’t expect “peak experiences” from your connectedness all of the time. Writer Abraham Maslow coined the phrase to mean exactly what it says. Everyday of our lives we do not reach the mountaintop. Nor should we demand such peak experiences from those we love.
Listening is not the core of communication in a relationship unless it is a listening with interest. It is more than simply hearing what a loved-one is saying (while waiting your turn to speak). Listening is opening your heart as well as your ears to what someone else is saying. It is caring about a side of the issue that you may not have before considered.
On the other hand, opening up and letting the other person see your vulnerability is a good part of communication as well. “This is how I felt when you did that. I hope we can agree to work this out because I don’t want to be at odds with you over this. Help me to understand how I (unintentionally) offended you.
Sacrificing your time when it is inconvenient to do so to help a loved one who has no one else to turn is an action of true love. Such an attitude is the basis of all good friendships. With time, any interpersonal connection void of friendship will melt down to two selfish people taking from each other, but scarcely seeing the need to give.
Can you say these three words when appropriate? “I Am Sorry.”
“Here, let me hold you until you let go of that stress” is another loving attitude to express and do. It is the height of giving oneself when a loved one is overwhelmed.

Love is both inborn and learned. It takes the key of compassion to activate either expression. These seven means will build that compassion in you.

Debbie speaking again, How can I help but love what Pat wrote? She has no blog or website (yet) or I would link to it. She is writing a novel. I was given a sneak peek at it and I am so excited to read the whole thing when she is complete. In the meantime, I am grateful for her contributions here.

And Still More On Rapport….

Written by: Debbie

The Law Of Attraction states that what you focus on, you create. Well, interestingly, I am finding evidence of that this past week. Writing about rapport over the past couple of days, has made me so very aware of observing others and their interactions. I find that I am observing people in traffic, watching how they relate to their passengers in the vehicle with them. I am watching store clerks interact with customers and the wait staff in restaurants.

Last night I went to an event at the Tampa Bay Technology Forum. Prior to the speaker, there was a time to network. I approached a woman and introduced myself. She responded with a huge smile and our conversation took off. I used my practiced skill of listening. Listening, another vital part of developing rapport. I now know her whole life story. I guess you could say I established rapport.

The reason I tell this however, is not to brag about what I did. Rather, it is an observation I made during our lengthy conversation. The woman is in sales. She is bright, well educated and clearly has a passion for her product. However, she unloaded her entire pitch on me with force. She spoke so continuously that there were no breathes taken. She put her card in my hand and never asked for my information.

She was over whelming. There was no give and take, no pacing, no mirroring of my stance, breathing or any physiological signs. I changed stance, shifted, slowed down and even looked away. She was so on fire, she never noticed.

She has no way to follow up on our conversation now, as she neglected to find out how to contact me. Further more, the whole sales pitch was done without qualifying if I am in fact a good prospect.

I know of another individual who is in sales, recently changed from a phone room to a show room. He has brought his high pressure energy to an industry that is slower paced. Where he works now, you want to “court” the customer. The sales are in the millions of dollars, so it is best to allow the customer to decide there is trust in this particular deal. He presses flesh and expects a sale within an hour. Needless to say, he has not closed a single deal in the over 6 months he has been in his position and in fact has scared away prospective buyers.

Take some time to notice how well you listen. It amazes me how many times people think they know everything about me, because they have told me their life story. If pressed, they couldn’t tell you much about me, but they truly believe they know me well. Why? Because I have listened to them. Funny thing is, the more I listen, the more I learn. Listening allows me to enjoy people so much more, because many times their story really is interesting.