Mirror, Mirror…

Written by: Debbie

As a little girl, I loved to dance and twirl around in the living room. My mother had a beautiful, big mirror hanging in there, just perfect to view my moves as I made them. The reflection in my childlike mind was a Prima Ballerina, a chanteuse or a glamor queen. I would sing and dance the hours away.

One particular personal appearance resulted in my shoe flying off my foot and straight into that mirror. Broken, shattered were my the mirror and my heart at that moment. After all, I had doomed myself to seven years of bad luck and the disappointment of my mother both. I wept. My mother found me and consoled me. We would find another mirror to hang, she understood that accidents happen. Perhaps there had been a lesson in tying my shoes as well as getting a bit to out of control inside the house. My mother reassured me that my luck was not doomed for the next seven years.

The superstition that a broken mirror results in seven years of bad luck dates back to the ancient Romans. They believed that life renewed itself every seven years. If the person looking into a mirror was ill, the image would break the mirror and the run of bad luck would continue for seven years. At the end of seven years life would be renewed, ending the curse.

I imagine that to the first person to ever see their own reflection in the water, it seemed magical, mystical to see another so much like themselves. Mirrors have been attributed with the ability to foretell the future, create bad luck, create good luck and even hold onto a person’s soul. (Think of the story of Dorian Gray.)

I have learned that mirrors are just that, mirrors. They are useful when I want to make sure my lipstick isn’t smudged across my face (it can happen!) and fabulous tools for affirming the positive in my life. I created a video not too long ago regarding the power of eye contact in the mirror. I did not have seven years of bad luck, I make my luck! I learned a valuable lesson that day as well.

It seems, that my mother is wise, loving and very forgiving.

And Still More On Rapport….

Written by: Debbie

The Law Of Attraction states that what you focus on, you create. Well, interestingly, I am finding evidence of that this past week. Writing about rapport over the past couple of days, has made me so very aware of observing others and their interactions. I find that I am observing people in traffic, watching how they relate to their passengers in the vehicle with them. I am watching store clerks interact with customers and the wait staff in restaurants.

Last night I went to an event at the Tampa Bay Technology Forum. Prior to the speaker, there was a time to network. I approached a woman and introduced myself. She responded with a huge smile and our conversation took off. I used my practiced skill of listening. Listening, another vital part of developing rapport. I now know her whole life story. I guess you could say I established rapport.

The reason I tell this however, is not to brag about what I did. Rather, it is an observation I made during our lengthy conversation. The woman is in sales. She is bright, well educated and clearly has a passion for her product. However, she unloaded her entire pitch on me with force. She spoke so continuously that there were no breathes taken. She put her card in my hand and never asked for my information.

She was over whelming. There was no give and take, no pacing, no mirroring of my stance, breathing or any physiological signs. I changed stance, shifted, slowed down and even looked away. She was so on fire, she never noticed.

She has no way to follow up on our conversation now, as she neglected to find out how to contact me. Further more, the whole sales pitch was done without qualifying if I am in fact a good prospect.

I know of another individual who is in sales, recently changed from a phone room to a show room. He has brought his high pressure energy to an industry that is slower paced. Where he works now, you want to “court” the customer. The sales are in the millions of dollars, so it is best to allow the customer to decide there is trust in this particular deal. He presses flesh and expects a sale within an hour. Needless to say, he has not closed a single deal in the over 6 months he has been in his position and in fact has scared away prospective buyers.

Take some time to notice how well you listen. It amazes me how many times people think they know everything about me, because they have told me their life story. If pressed, they couldn’t tell you much about me, but they truly believe they know me well. Why? Because I have listened to them. Funny thing is, the more I listen, the more I learn. Listening allows me to enjoy people so much more, because many times their story really is interesting.

A Bit More On Rapport

Written by: Debbie

Yesterday I wrote about the NLP concepts of mirroring and pacing. Both are important skills to learn and make use of. After an interesting exchange I had another thought, something more I wanted to add. The tone of your voice is also vital to how well your message is understood and how well you are received. You may be saying all the right words, in all the wrong ways.

In our house, we play a game of Dude. How many ways can the word “dude” be said to communicate a whole new meaning? There is the simple “dude”, then there is “DUDE!” or else “Duuuuude” and so forth. Imagine a parent walking into your bedroom and saying, “look at your room”. That can be a pleasant voice, filled with delight at a cleaning job well done. It can also be an angry statement about a job still not done. It can be a mention of the new furnishings. It all has to do with the tone.

So, take a moment and practice some familiar phrases in front of the mirror. Use different tones and inflections and listen to the differences you are trying to communicate. Keep this in mind next time you are in a conversation where you feel misunderstood. Did your voice speak your true meaning? Were you smiling in your voice as well the smile on your face or were you sending mixed signals. Be clear in your intent, then use your words and your tone as tools for communication.