Monday Morning Musing….

Written by: Debbie

Monday morning arrived fast this morning. I spent the weekend with family, doing chores around the house and having some fun as well. Yesterday I took my youngest son to a concert. I remember why I don’t attend them anymore. They are loud, it was outdoors and so very hot and smelly, it was crowded and did I mention that they are loud? Oh well, my son and his buddies had a very good time. I had been given the tickets for free, so I can’t complain about the cost. (Except for the hearing aides I’ll be needing now.)

There are many things I might have preferred to accomplish besides attend the concert. Nothing was as important as how great it made my son feel though. Feeling great, isn’t that what we all want? So, as the adult me sits on a Monday morning thinking about the week to come and all I need to prepare, I begin to feel a fret coming on. Then I remember what it is I do for a living. I help others feel great, gee, wonder if that might work for me too?

So, I begin by asking myself, what do I want to do. Not what do I need to do. Well, writing this blog is something I enjoy, so why don’t put that down on my list. I enjoy feeling organized, so why not list the tasks for the week and line them up in order of priorities, that feels better. There was even time to chat with my mother. I am so very grateful to have both of my parents still alive and healthy. It is important to me to take the time to enjoy that. Oops, I almost forgot a very important activity, a few moments of self hypnosis to relax and all of the sudden, I am feeling good.

The mind is programmed to reject anything that is potentially difficult, thus the difference in need and want. When I thought of everything I needed to do in my day/week, it became a rat race. When I stopped, took a breath and applied that knowledge based on Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) I was able to restart my day in a powerful, positive way. I was able to release that old stinking thinking. Do your best to stop, breathe and change the needs to wants whenever you can. It feels amazing!

My son and his buddy posed with a character that shows up to many local events, The Cowbell Kid. To avoid the obvious questions: My son is the one on the right, Cowbell is the one with the blue hair.

Did I mention it was loud?

A Bit More On Rapport

Written by: Debbie

Yesterday I wrote about the NLP concepts of mirroring and pacing. Both are important skills to learn and make use of. After an interesting exchange I had another thought, something more I wanted to add. The tone of your voice is also vital to how well your message is understood and how well you are received. You may be saying all the right words, in all the wrong ways.

In our house, we play a game of Dude. How many ways can the word “dude” be said to communicate a whole new meaning? There is the simple “dude”, then there is “DUDE!” or else “Duuuuude” and so forth. Imagine a parent walking into your bedroom and saying, “look at your room”. That can be a pleasant voice, filled with delight at a cleaning job well done. It can also be an angry statement about a job still not done. It can be a mention of the new furnishings. It all has to do with the tone.

So, take a moment and practice some familiar phrases in front of the mirror. Use different tones and inflections and listen to the differences you are trying to communicate. Keep this in mind next time you are in a conversation where you feel misunderstood. Did your voice speak your true meaning? Were you smiling in your voice as well the smile on your face or were you sending mixed signals. Be clear in your intent, then use your words and your tone as tools for communication.

How To Use Your Skills To Build Rapport

Written by: Debbie

There was an article sent to me today about building rapport with clients. It is essential for me to build rapport with my clients in order for our work together to be successful. I realize however, that it is essential to build rapport with anyone whom I hope to engage in a peaceful relationship. In Fawn Germer’s book (The New Woman Rules), she discusses how important networking is. Networking is work Germer states.

Over and again, the successful women she wrote about, mention the relationships they build along their journeys. One particularly interesting analogy came from Tara Weiner. She spoke of tribal dances performed by men of the tribe before the hunt or to bring rain. The dance isn’t about making rain or improving the hunt as much as it is about bonding. Building rapport with each other.

Neuro-lingusitic programming offers many ways of creating rapport. If you observe two people conversing who have rapport, you notice how they naturally move in step with each other. It is like a dance, elegant and in unison. In NLP, this is called matching and mirroring. One wants to be aware, however, not to just mimic. People respond positively to mirroring, while they do not like mimicry or the feeling that they are being made fun of.

The other thing to keep in mind is pacing. In order to lead somebody, to influence them with your point of view, remember to really listen to them. You want to fully acknowledge them and truly understand where they have come from. Remember, be patient about it.

This is only the beginning of building rapport, but two very important steps. Observe people while you are out and about over the next few days. Notice if you can tell without hearing a word they speak whether they are happy to be together or angry or even disinterested.