Self-Talk Can Be Loud, So Make It Nice!

Written by: Debbie

I have written about self-talk before. It is such a part of how we see ourselves. Yesterday it dawned on me that it was time for me to take inventory of the things I have been saying. I woke up anxious for no apparent reason and when I checked in with my “gut” there was still no reason to feel that way other than the fiction in my head. Therefore I reached out to a hypnosis friend of mine and she assisted me in making a change from stinking thinking to nurturing thoughts. It is time for me to practice mindfulness in my thoughts.

I realized that as I awoke, my thoughts were busy trying to get work accomplished and I hadn’t even lifted my head off of the pillow. My husband awoke with loving thoughts. Even the puppies woke up looking for belly rubs. Next, looking in the mirror I was far too quick to look at my bedhead instead of my smile. I realized that I have been critical of myself if I don’t get done quickly enough. I am not living in a pressure cooker, other than the one I had created for myself.

Becoming aware of self-talk

Now I stop and notice what my thoughts are. If the things I am thinking are not kind or add value to my day, I will change (even challenge) them. If I notice my bedhead first, I will laugh and think, looks like you had a great night’s sleep! If I make a mistake, I think how can I learn from this experience and stop berating myself.

Take a moment and ask yourself throughout the day, what are the things you say to yourself? During those quiet times, maybe when driving or waiting for someone and you have that chatter in your head. It’s your inner voice speaking to you. What is that voice saying to you? When you forget something, what do you say to yourself? When you realize you have made a mistake, what do you say to yourself? Are you kind, funny or compassionate? Are you encouraging, uplifting?

If you are critical, negative or hard on yourself, ask yourself why. If you wouldn’t speak to a friend or loved one in the same tone, then it is time to change that tone. Would you allow a stranger to speak to you that way? If not, then it is time for change. We teach others how to treat us. If we are busy being nasty to ourselves, how can we expect any different from others?

How we speak to ourselves is reflective in our posture, facial expressions and even our tone of voice. Our mood sours when we are nasty to ourselves. No one wants to be around a sour puss. Furthermore, it is natural for us to want to be right. So if our self-talk is negative, we create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Remember that all powerful subconscious mind. It hears and obeys.

Thought: I am so forgetful!

Response: Subconscious mind blocks a memory.

Thought: I am so fat

Response: Subconscious mind goads us into emotional eating or skipping exercise.

Begin to notice your thoughts. Notice the negative ones and think in terms of a healthier thought. Write down the new thought on an index card you can keep handy. Next time you find yourself going in the direction of negative, pull out the card and read aloud the new healthy thought. Read it aloud three times to really plant that new concept in your mind. In sessions I will often compare the subconscious mind to fertile ground. Whatever we plant, will grow. If we plant flower seeds, we get flowers. If we plant poison ivy seeds, we get poison ivy. Whichever seeds we nurture will flourish. It is time to put that negative self-talk in the trash bin and take the positive encouraging self-talk and place it where it will get lots of attention and grow.

self-talk flower

Take a moment now to think how you want to live. How do you want others to speak to you? What do you want to feel about yourself? Now imagine that those words are petals of a beautiful flower that you are growing. Look over in your mind’s eye those petals, see those thoughts flourish and breathe in the fragrance of beauty. You could put a picture of your favorite flower on the index card where you have written the new thoughts. That way every time you reread the positive thoughts you also see the flower. Soon, all you will want to do is stop, take a deep breath in as if you were breathing in the scent of that flower and the good thoughts will start to roll!

How A Fall Helped Me Think More Clearly

Written by: Debbie

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.” ~Mark Twain

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems as though everything that can does go wrong? You even manage to get in the wrong line at the grocery store. Then, as you listen to the conversation of the person who seemed to be taking forever getting their items, you realize their tale of woe is so horrific you feel foolish for the things you have allowed to bother you. Suddenly your perspective changes, maybe even your mood lifts and things just seem to be easier.

That is a case of a cognitive reframe. Stress has been proven to be increased as well as decreased depending on our thoughts. That’s because stress, anxiety, and irrational thinking have a big impact on daily life, and how you react to certain situations. Reframing techniques can actually change your physical responses to stress because your body’s stress response is triggered by perceived stress, not actual events.

Reframing thoughts about situations is often a part of what occurs in my office. It is something I am well aware of. I preach/teach it enough you might imagine I am one continual happy thought train. I would love to have that be true, even more so, to have the world think that about me. I am putting myself out there with this blog post, but I feel that by sharing this truth, I am allowing you, reader, to understand we are in this together.

This past Saturday, I went out for bike ride with my husband (Greg). We both enjoy riding; have ridden many miles over the years. It has always been a source of exercise and a mood enhancer for us both. I had recently been ill and still was not feeling my full strength as we head out. I couldn’t keep up my normal pace. But, I was going to fight through it.

At one point Greg noticed some incredible flowers tucked inside of a clump of trees. He called to me to turn around so that we could take a closer look at them. That is when my imbalance really kicked in and a turn I could normally do with ease became impossible and I fell. I laid on the ground with tears in my eyes, more out of humiliation than any pain.

Once up, I really enjoyed the flowers and took several pictures of them. All seemed well with the world in that moment. However, as we got back on the bikes, I allowed my thoughts to run away with me. I began to feel insecure. I felt old, clumsy, stupid and any other negative adjective I could come up with in those moments. At our next stop I began to lament my condition to Greg.

Greg would have none of it, so he worked his magic. He reminded me of a recent conversation with clients of his who had known of many people suffering from the same ailment I just had. Some were younger, smarter, more balanced, etc. but all had struggled with the virus. Many of them suffered longer than me. It is a credit to my immune system and my tenacity that I was out on the bike.

Suddenly it was if the sun rose. We were on a beach causeway and I noticed children and families playing, brilliant colors, the warm breeze, the sound of the water and yes, even a beloved dolphin swimming near-by. My thoughts were happy and confident thoughts. I felt strong on the bike and happy that I could enjoy this perfect day.

A simple change in thought changed my day. Can you think of ways your thoughts can help improve your day?

Stress Awareness Day 2014

Written by: Debbie

April 16 (the day after Tax Day, April 15) has become a special day to set aside for Americans to become aware of just how stressed they may have become! Everyone feels stressed from time to time and if left unchecked, it tends to be a real happiness killer as well as a threat to your health. This makes it harder for us to live joy-filled lives. Stress has also been reported to lead to a number of major health problems, ranging anywhere from anxiety or severe depression to physical symptoms such as a mild case of acne to life-threatening heart attacks. It is easy to see why it is so vitally important to keep life’s major stressors in check.

Scientists report that psychological stress may exact its toll, at least in part, by affecting molecules believed to play a key role in cellular aging and possibly, disease development. Anecdotal evidence and scientific evidence has have suggested that chronic stress can take years off your life. Stress can also have an indirect effect on the immune system as a person may use unhealthy behavioral coping strategies to reduce their stress, such as drinking and smoking. It is easy to see why it is so vitally important to keep life’s major stressors in check.

Enough of the dire news and warnings, I don’t need to stress you out more.

Instead, here are some quick tips for changing into a stress free zone for the day and at the end a link to 3 free audios I have available for you to reduce your stress!

Focus On The Now

So many people live their entire lives in yesterday or tomorrow. The truth is, however, that there is only the Now. Focusing on this moment, right now, provides a wonderful escape from the disappointment of what once was and the fear of what might be, leaving stress stuck in a time warp. (You do remember the Time Warp, right?)

2 Give Yourself A Pep Talk
Sometimes a good talking to is all you need to keep stress at bay. Maybe it is about time you gave yourself a pep talk, reminding yourself what is right with your life instead of dwelling on what’s wrong. Ask yourself how you got so lucky to have a roof over your head, food on the table and the opportunity to experience so much each day.

3. Get the Giggles
Laughter really is the best medicine. Watch a comedy, share a funny joke, or go to a card shop and read funny cards. I always told my sons to find a reason to smile and laugh as they walked out the door. Maybe you can do the same, then share whatever it is, give yourself time for laughter each and every day.

4. Use Self-Hypnosis
A still mind is a stress-free mind, so take a deep breath, quiet your thoughts and let the stress melt away. Even ten minutes done daily for the next 30 days will do wonders for releasing stress in your life.

5. Keep a Happiness Journal
Starting today, spend a few minutes reflecting on the day you just experienced and list five things about the day that delighted you. Review that list when tempted to return to the old stinking thinking track.

6. Lend A Helping Hand
Sometimes the best way to deal with stress is by providing relief to someone else. Placing your focus on others needs takes the focus off your own challenges. This will lead to less rumination and therefore less stress. So look around you, see who needs a hand up and offer yours.

7. Listen To A Hypnosis Audio
I have three audios I have created that are free for you. Just stop by anytime to listen. Share them with your friends, let’s get this stress-less party started! Stress Free Audios

Losing Snakes on St. Patrick’s Day

Written by: Debbie

St Patrick’s Day is here and the celebrations are in full swing, from turning rivers green (famously in Chicago and even locally the Hillsborough River) to parades and parties. The reason for the celebration, according to tradition, is in honor of St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland. However, as there is little evidence that this island ever had many snakes. Apparently, as snakes in biblical terms represent evil and Pagans were considered the same by Christians, it was the Pagan folks that were driven away (or converted.)

I like to use the metaphor in my life in a bit different way. I am not in any rush to drive Pagans or any other group of people out of my life, but evil can leave. Now, I am not plagued by evil, don’t mean to imply that. However, anything that stands in the way of my true inner peace can leave now.

Ironically, I once had a horrid fear of snakes. It took some self -hypnosis and contact with the creatures for me to change that. So, what are the snakes that I and so many others I meet deal with? FEAR is a biggie! Fear can rob us of inner peace as quickly as it becomes a thought.

We have a continuous inner voice that seems to rage on and on when we are anxious or fearful. This self-talk hugely affects our emotions and behaviors. When we start telling ourselves things that don’t line up with reality we get into trouble. We start thinking and believing thoughts that just aren’t true and these false beliefs become a prime breeding ground for unhealthy fears.

Often our first impulse when we experience fear is to avoid the source. When the danger is real, avoidance is an appropriate tactic. When fear is irrational, avoidance is inappropriate and will only make the problem more intense. Many people are in the habit of seeing the negative side of any challenging situation. When we focus on the negatives, we resist taking action and continue to avoid, becoming stuck. The more we focus on the possibility of loss the more anxiety and fear we create.

Avoidance is a serious obstacle to dealing with fear because it works. We temporarily feel good through avoidance. The problem is we can condition ourselves to avoid something rather than face it. As a result, we give a portion of our lives over to the thing we fear, letting it control us. Avoidance will never make fear go away.

You may find it helpful to make a list of any specific fears you have and get them out in the open. In each situation that leaves you feeling hesitant or fearful, try to understand exactly what is holding you back. What is it that you are afraid will happen and why? Are those things really likely to occur, or is there only a slight chance? If you take your fear to the extreme that you are worried about, what are the odd of that extreme coming through?

Next, use a separate sheet of paper and create a list of the benefits you stand to gain by moving forward. Be as specific and optimistic as you can. Remember that dread and fear will amplify your perception of the negative possibilities, which can make the positive benefits seem significantly smaller or less important. So, you may need to work a little harder at emphasizing the positive.

Comparing the two lists, you can then make a balanced decision. You will have a better, more balanced view of your options.

Recently I spoke with a woman plagued with anxiety attacks. Apparently, the onset of these attacks coincided with her beginning a job search. The more we discussed her concerns about finding the right job, the more her fears were expressed. When we took these fears to their extreme, she decided she was not likely to end up a homeless bag lady or dead on the streets of Tampabay. As we discussed the possibilities of what could go right, her fears began to dissipate.

In her case, she decided to move forward with the job search. She is not going to let fear get in her way. So, her snakes have been driven away.

Take a moment today to channel your inner St. Patrick and drive those snakes out of your life. Breathe in that inner peace, picture and imagine the beauty of those Irish hills and wonder what beauty might be waiting for you to enjoy.