How A Fall Helped Me Think More Clearly

Written by: Debbie

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.” ~Mark Twain

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems as though everything that can does go wrong? You even manage to get in the wrong line at the grocery store. Then, as you listen to the conversation of the person who seemed to be taking forever getting their items, you realize their tale of woe is so horrific you feel foolish for the things you have allowed to bother you. Suddenly your perspective changes, maybe even your mood lifts and things just seem to be easier.

That is a case of a cognitive reframe. Stress has been proven to be increased as well as decreased depending on our thoughts. That’s because stress, anxiety, and irrational thinking have a big impact on daily life, and how you react to certain situations. Reframing techniques can actually change your physical responses to stress because your body’s stress response is triggered by perceived stress, not actual events.

Reframing thoughts about situations is often a part of what occurs in my office. It is something I am well aware of. I preach/teach it enough you might imagine I am one continual happy thought train. I would love to have that be true, even more so, to have the world think that about me. I am putting myself out there with this blog post, but I feel that by sharing this truth, I am allowing you, reader, to understand we are in this together.

This past Saturday, I went out for bike ride with my husband (Greg). We both enjoy riding; have ridden many miles over the years. It has always been a source of exercise and a mood enhancer for us both. I had recently been ill and still was not feeling my full strength as we head out. I couldn’t keep up my normal pace. But, I was going to fight through it.

At one point Greg noticed some incredible flowers tucked inside of a clump of trees. He called to me to turn around so that we could take a closer look at them. That is when my imbalance really kicked in and a turn I could normally do with ease became impossible and I fell. I laid on the ground with tears in my eyes, more out of humiliation than any pain.

Once up, I really enjoyed the flowers and took several pictures of them. All seemed well with the world in that moment. However, as we got back on the bikes, I allowed my thoughts to run away with me. I began to feel insecure. I felt old, clumsy, stupid and any other negative adjective I could come up with in those moments. At our next stop I began to lament my condition to Greg.

Greg would have none of it, so he worked his magic. He reminded me of a recent conversation with clients of his who had known of many people suffering from the same ailment I just had. Some were younger, smarter, more balanced, etc. but all had struggled with the virus. Many of them suffered longer than me. It is a credit to my immune system and my tenacity that I was out on the bike.

Suddenly it was if the sun rose. We were on a beach causeway and I noticed children and families playing, brilliant colors, the warm breeze, the sound of the water and yes, even a beloved dolphin swimming near-by. My thoughts were happy and confident thoughts. I felt strong on the bike and happy that I could enjoy this perfect day.

A simple change in thought changed my day. Can you think of ways your thoughts can help improve your day?

STOP!

Written by: Debbie

Stop is a powerful word. It has been repeatedly said that the subconscious mind does not hear the negatives. If I tell a child “don’t run!”, chances are they will continue to do so. (How often have you observed that in a school, where the kids run past the teachers in the hallway as the teachers yell after them?) If instead, I say “Stop! Use your walking feet” it has been my experience the children will comply.

Why? They follow the commands directly. STOP! Grabs their attention and they do so, making it easier to then begin walking.

So it is with our thoughts as well. It has become a habit to get caught up in the negative (stinking thinking). We are fed so much negative input, we believe it. We play old tapes in our heads over and over as proof that the worst surely will occur. We ruminate when stressed, about past experiences that we perceive as failures.

It is a basic rule of the mind that you can only process one thought at a time, meaning we cannot hold opposing ideas at the same time. Therefore, once a thought is accepted by the subconscious mind it remains until it is replaced by another. The longer the idea remains, the more difficult it is to replace.

I have found the word stop to be an amazing tool when I am caught up in this game. If in the car or someplace alone when I am noticing my thoughts taking that familiar old path to Angstville, I will yell STOP! loudly. There are times when perhaps yelling aloud is not appropriate (for instance the library or the waiting room of the doctor) so then, it is a loud yell only in my head. I remind myself that I used to feel this way, but now I choose to feel differently.

Since the mind can only process one thought at a time, I actively choose to direct my thought towards the positive. How awesome to have the choice!

Coping With Fear & Worry

Written by: Debbie

This month is Halloween month. Around my neighborhood, the decorations are already being put outside. Some are lovely, fall themed displays. Some are cutesy Halloween ornaments. Then there are the decorations of the scary nature. For obvious reasons (I believe) scary becomes a theme during this time of year. So, it seemed appropriate that I take some time this month to discuss fears, phobias and superstitions.

These are scary times for many of us. The value of the dollar in the US seemingly plummets with every day right now. Jobs, even bad ones, seem precious. Homes have for sale signs all around. This can allow us to become paralyzed with fear. If you are a small business owner, as I am, it is easy to focus on the negative warnings of the news media and fear, then become paralyzed, unable to make any clear cut business decisions. America’s financial crisis is fueling chronic stress and limiting some people’s ability to think clearly, control emotions and regulate bodily functions in a healthy manner.

Now, in fact, is the time to take control of emotions. We can better regulate the mind-body stress responses. It is important to understand that there is productive worry and unproductive worry. Productive worry is thinking about situations in which you can take control and using those thoughts to conceive pro-active behaviors. Use productive worry to help you create a plan for taking actions that will reduce your stress. Unproductive worry is stinking thinking, focusing over and over on situations over which you have no control. Allowing that worry to create adverse reactions in your body.

Using productive worry, you can create budgets, eliminate unnecessary extras and come up with creative ways to make saving a family affair. As a business owner, return to basics, what has worked in the past? What does your business offer that makes you special? Who is your customer, what are their concerns? The same thing applies to you as an employee, what are your best attributes?

Perhaps you want to list those qualities for yourself, as a reminder. I am a big believer in making lists. Focus on yourself (or your business) and begin to list all those qualities that make you special. When you take those thoughts from the abstract to the concrete by putting them in writing, they become yours at a deeper level. You own them!

While it is a good thing to remain informed, take a break from the news. Rather than watching, reading and following every pundit’s thoughts on what is going on, go for a walk with the dog, read a good book or enjoy a moment of self hypnosis. Visualize yourself someplace happy and safe, filled with the memories of calm, serene moments.

Stay connected with your friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself from your support systems. Be sure to pay attention to loved ones and keep involved in your daily routines. Enjoy social occasions. Play!

Stress and worry take a physical toll, so be sure to use self hypnosis for relaxation of the body as well as the mind. Remember to breathe! Your breathe is always with you, breathe deep.

Changing Your Thoughts

Written by: Debbie

So much energy was put into the possibility of a hurricane. The news broadcast the path of the hurricane continually. Warnings were issued, plans made or changed. Everyone was thinking about precautions and fears. I would never fault our governing bodies for wanting to protect us. It is prudent to act in alignment with safety. There was a media frenzy here. All Fay, all day! That being said, Fay has become yesterday’s news.

This morning as I went out for my morning run, I thought about how we do the same thing so often in our lives. We build up our fears into something larger than life. We anticipate total destruction in our lives, as we know them. We fear. I did that very same thing myself yesterday. I took my oldest son to the eye doctor for an eye exam. Because of an issue he had last year and the possibilities present in his blood tests, it was easy for me to go to the worst case scenario. The longer the eye exam took, the more I had to negate my fears.

I focused on all that was good in our lives. I read. I got up and walked around. I changed activities and made little jokes to myself, all to redirect my thoughts back to the positive. When my son walked out of the exam room, he smiled and gave the thumbs up sign. Turns out the exam took so long because he and the eye doctor got into a conversation about the Fibonacci sequence and books that incorporated it into their plot. Go figure!

I was thrilled with the news that all is well. Grateful, indeed. I also reminded myself how important it is to keep working on changing my stinking thinking at times like this. The time wasted on negative thoughts could be so much better spent creating a new project! I have found that my morning runs, my biking, any time I am active, it is easier to release old negative thought patterns and begin to focus on positive possibilities. I will begin to verbalize aloud the action I will take to create a change in my life and as if by magic, things begin to happen.

I have a buddy I run with, we share ideas and dreams while running. (OK, maybe our running isn’t as fast that way, whatever!) We have noticed that our goals are being met swiftly. We are manifesting the life of our dreams. We have learned that blame and excuses get us no where. Answers and swift action are taking us places. We can’t wait to meet to run, not because we love the running as much as we love the powerful changes we are creating. All with the power of thought, revved up with the power of action.

P.S. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes, thoughts and prayers. Combined efforts like that are amazing!

Gratitude

Written by: Debbie

I want to take a moment to remind you how important gratitude is. It is another way to change that old stinking thinking, when things seem to be difficult. A client stopped by my office with a beautiful orchid and a dragonfly statue as her way of saying thank you. I felt humbled and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. I received an invitation in the mail today for a special luncheon, ladies only, a time to share our gratitude for our blessings. The hostess holds these luncheons each year to express her gratitude to the women in her life who she feels thankful for. My dear friend and web lady took me out for lunch today, sushi! (She knows how to get to my heart.)

It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our days. Even more so, to hold a pity party for ourselves when things don’t seem to be going according to plan. But, if we take a moment to reflect on what is good in our lives, often it is far more than what is wrong. In fact, given time, there are negatives that turn into positives.

I lived through a flood that destroyed the apartment complex I was living in at the time. Many of the residents were deaf, so my sign language came in handy. It also meant that we were the last people to be evacuated. We floated out in boats next to alligators and water moccasins, riding above our cars on the water. It could/should have been devastating. Or so I was told. However, out of that situation I was able to live rent free for the few months I needed to get a down payment on my first home! The apartment complex was insured and they have rehabilitated into a much nicer complex.

I am grateful for my sons, my husband and even my first husband! (Number one has been a great father to the boys and a super Ex! He pays child support on time, in full and throws extras the kids way!) My current husband dances with shopping carts in the grocery store and makes me laugh until I have tears rolling down my cheeks. I am grateful that my parents are still alive and they live near by enough to see us frequently, far enough to not be under foot! (I bet I catch it for that one!) The list goes on, but, my time is limited, as I am back off to my office.

Take a moment and reflect on your life. What are you grateful for? Please leave a comment or two and share. Perhaps we will all begin to see what is right in our lives.

p.s. I just got back from my office. My last client of the day has recently returned from a trip to her native India. She brought me the most beautiful hand made purse from there. I’m really liking this gratitude stuff!

Monday Morning Musing….

Written by: Debbie

Monday morning arrived fast this morning. I spent the weekend with family, doing chores around the house and having some fun as well. Yesterday I took my youngest son to a concert. I remember why I don’t attend them anymore. They are loud, it was outdoors and so very hot and smelly, it was crowded and did I mention that they are loud? Oh well, my son and his buddies had a very good time. I had been given the tickets for free, so I can’t complain about the cost. (Except for the hearing aides I’ll be needing now.)

There are many things I might have preferred to accomplish besides attend the concert. Nothing was as important as how great it made my son feel though. Feeling great, isn’t that what we all want? So, as the adult me sits on a Monday morning thinking about the week to come and all I need to prepare, I begin to feel a fret coming on. Then I remember what it is I do for a living. I help others feel great, gee, wonder if that might work for me too?

So, I begin by asking myself, what do I want to do. Not what do I need to do. Well, writing this blog is something I enjoy, so why don’t put that down on my list. I enjoy feeling organized, so why not list the tasks for the week and line them up in order of priorities, that feels better. There was even time to chat with my mother. I am so very grateful to have both of my parents still alive and healthy. It is important to me to take the time to enjoy that. Oops, I almost forgot a very important activity, a few moments of self hypnosis to relax and all of the sudden, I am feeling good.

The mind is programmed to reject anything that is potentially difficult, thus the difference in need and want. When I thought of everything I needed to do in my day/week, it became a rat race. When I stopped, took a breath and applied that knowledge based on Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) I was able to restart my day in a powerful, positive way. I was able to release that old stinking thinking. Do your best to stop, breathe and change the needs to wants whenever you can. It feels amazing!

My son and his buddy posed with a character that shows up to many local events, The Cowbell Kid. To avoid the obvious questions: My son is the one on the right, Cowbell is the one with the blue hair.

Did I mention it was loud?

Laughter Truly Is The Best Medicine

Written by: Debbie

Did you know that you can release weight through laughter? Really, that’ not a joke. A really good belly laugh, a howl, for fifteen minutes daily will burn up to four extra pounds in a year. Is that enough to win The Biggest Loser? No, but hey, every pound counts. Besides, what better way to help clear out that old stinking thinking!

Children laugh easily and often. It has been said up to 400 times a day. How wonderful is the sound of a child laughing? Yet, as we age, we become serious. Deadly serious. We are lucky to laugh ten times in a day. Funny thing is laughter has so many positive side effects, an actual mind body connection. Our circulation improves as our heart rate quickens, just as in an aerobic workout. Therefore, muscles are worked. Our blood pressure will rise with laughter and then drop below baseline when we finish. Our lungs expand with oxygen and the immune system is boosted. Endorphins (the body’s feel good chemical) are released.

Each morning before my youngest son leaves the house for school, I remind him to find a reason to smile and laugh. When I pick him up after school, he reports to me a funny event of the day. This has taught him to laugh at himself, see the humor in a situation and keep his mind on the positive. It is humbling for me, on the days that I allow life to become too serious. We have great times laughing together, because laughter is contagious.

Laughter is a major tool in our family life. My husband loves to dance with shopping carts in the grocery store, I must admit it has made shopping a whole lot more fun. My oldest will text me through out his day with funny events that happen on campus. I wrote previously about a fun hypnosis experiment I conducted on 97X FM radio. We work daily to keep our positive attitude alive and well.

Imagine burning those extra pounds, improving your health and having fun doing it. Why not start a daily list of reasons to laugh. Begin to record the events that occur through out your day that tickle your funny bone. I wonder how fast that list will grow? How much more you’ll notice the fun in life? Use your imagination during stressful situations to see the event as if it were a comedy or a cartoon. Your boss is yelling, can you see the steam rise out of his collar? Traffic is bad, you can imagine you are riding in the Clampett’s old truck.

Post a reason you have laughed lately. Share with me please, more reasons to laugh. Perhaps it is time for a hypnotic audio on laughter. I better go get started!