stress

TRUST

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So many people are living in fear currently.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.

It is time we refocus ourselves, paying attention to trust. I have created an acronym for trust that I think will help.

TRUST = Totally Releasing Unnecessary Scary Thoughts.

In this moment, are you safe? If so, then that is where you focus, because all any of us have is this moment. Recall or imagine a safe place. Notice the colors, the textures, the designs of this place. Notice the temperature, the aromas and the sweet sounds of serenity and calm. Allow this place to become real. Notice how in this place, in this moment, you are safe and secure and serene.

Notice how the body feels when this is your truth. Allow your mind to wander to a concern and wonder how it might be if that concern were behind you. How would you feel if you were free of that worry, if you had a solution to that puzzle?

I wonder if the waiting for the other shoe to drop is more what creates discomfort within you than the reality of the situation. All too often, after a “crisis” is over we realize that fear was in our heads, not our circumstances.

Allow your mind to drift past the event you have been concerned about and notice the outcome. What steps might you have taken to get to the desired outcome? What are the keys to your success?

Perhaps it starts with T.R.U.S.T.

Last night at Dr. Lara’s office we had a great time. The group was large, yet felt intimate. People openly shared what their downfalls are as they embark upon the journey of healthier living. Over and over the obstacle of stress came up, it was a hot button for sure.

Dr. Lara explained that stress helps in the creation of a hormone called cortisol, which lowers the body’s levels of serotonin (a “feel good” hormone). Lower levels of serotonin triggers a craving for carbohydrates. We discussed ways to cope with stress, diet changes (lean proteins over simple carbohydrates) and practical tips on avoiding eating when stressed.

Here are six tips I can offer you:

  1. Take action! Exercise releases chemicals into the brain that will counteract the effects of stress. 10 – 15 minutes of exercise will distract the mind and allow you to change your focus. I keep hand weights in my kitchen. If tempted to snack, I do 10 minutes of repetitions in order to earn that snack. Nine times out of ten, I don’t want the snack anymore and I begin to collect my thoughts.
  2. Eat consciously. Place the utensil down between bites and chew. Savor the flavor and textures of your food. When you pay attention the taste and smell of your food, meals are more satisfying and temptation is reduced.
  3. Chew sugarless gum. If you grab a piece of sugarless gum, you are less likely to put other foods into your mouth.
  4. Schedule your eating. By keeping a set schedule of meals and snacks, you create a new routine. This will keep hunger at bay and train your mind to remain on target. Forget skipping meals, that only leads to disaster as the night wears on.
  5. Create a journal of your emotions. Feeling stressed, feeling blue? Write it out. Studies have shown that writing about your feelings helps lead to resolutions and solutions to those same issues.
  6. Practice relaxation techniques. taking a long hot bath or trading a massage with a loved one feels a whole lot better than any junk food tastes!

We experienced some relaxation techniques last night. I worked with the group to focus on each muscle group and send it comfort and relaxation. They gave themselves permission to enjoy the moment, feeling safe and serene. Next they were asked to think of a special person, perhaps a child, or another whom they would treat with total respect and love. They were told to feel that emotion for the other, than transfer that to themselves. Knowing they deserve the same love and respect. Reminding them that they love their body, for that is where they live; they would start treating that body with the same love and respect they would treat a loved one with. Finally, we took a journey to a special event, seeing all the foods available. It was easy and natural to choose healthy foods, because of the respect they were now experiencing.

At the end of the night, the room was quiet and filled with a gentle sense of calm and caring. Caring for each other, caring for ourselves. It was a blessing to experience that moment.

The holidays have a way of bringing out the perfectionist in all of us. The magazines are filled with pictures of perfectly decorated homes and yards. Many of them with hand crafted ornaments that only take 3 weeks and way too much money to reproduce. The “Perfect Family” that lives up the road always has everything done and in place the day after Thanksgiving. The stores are filled with aisles of adorable decorations and great big sale signs. The drive to fulfill the fantasy of the perfect holiday takes over and the stress level goes up another notch.

It is important to make a decision regarding your activities during the holidays, are you doing these things because you love them or because you think you should? If guilt is the reason, let it go! If it is because you haven’t let go of the perfection drive, perhaps you might enjoy this little story.

I love to create gingerbread castles. I have done this since I was in the 7th grade. For me, it is a fun, creative process that I enjoy. It is a three day process, including the dough, the patterns (I make my own) , the gluing (with melted sugar) and finally the decorating. Of course, eating them usually doesn’t take my family as long. However, it is nice to have a gingerbread castle on the Christmas table.

Several years ago, I went through the process of creating my finest castle ever. The dough was delicious, the windows were made of rock candy (dyed with food coloring) and the powdered sugar snow on the roof was just delicate enough to look real. I was thrilled as I fell into bed around midnight, exhausted and proud. The following morning I awoke to hear my husband saying, “Oh no! Little Bit!” in a panicky voice. I stumbled out of the bedroom and into the living room. Rubbing my eyes, I heard my husband repeat, “Oh no Little Bit!” and look furtively back and forth between me and the cat. His eyes were huge and his head kept wobbling back and forth as if he was watching a tennis match.

As I looked in the direction of the cat, I started to laugh. I laughed til my sides ached because of what I saw. There, smack dab in the middle of my finest creation ever, sat one very happy kitty! Little Bit was convinced that she had the best mommy ever to have created such a delicious playground, as she licked her paws, she was covered in crumbs and icing. Fortunately for me, I enjoy the process of creating the castles. I knew from experience that they get eaten anyway, it is only a matter of time. So, it was just funny.

My table did not have a gingerbread castle that year. It hasn’t in many years as I got into another baking streak for a while. I baked over 100 rum cakes (each December) for gifts and that began to take up my time. I am not baking those cakes this year (at least not 100 of them) so perhaps I’ll take another shot at gingerbread. After all, I still have a dog and a cat who think mom is amazing when she drops goodies in the kitchen!

Once again, I am honored to have the contributions from P. W. Dowdy. My connection with this fabulous writer can only be described as a miracle. We live miles and miles apart. We have only been connected through the magic of the internet and yet, I feel as though she is my friend, maybe even my sister. She sent this article to me for sharing and I feel blessed to be able to do so.

7 Ways To Offer Love

Due to Hollywood propaganda, offering effective love today can lie in obscurity for some. Flowers and other wooing are great flatterers, but can our non- emotional actions express love more effectively?

In Sonnet 116, Shakespeare noted that “love alters not with its alterations find, nor bend with the remover to remove…it is ever fixed…never shaken.”

In that actions commonly proceed from attitude, Shakespeare’s attitude about live is a great place to start. If you wish to show love to someone – whether they understand it immediately or not — here are 7 Do’s and Don’ts:

  • As Shakespeare encouraged, commit to love the person in spite of their fragilities or shortcomings. You have faults as well, which your loved one is also discovering as your relationship matures.
  • Don’t expect “peak experiences” from your connectedness all of the time. Writer Abraham Maslow coined the phrase to mean exactly what it says. Everyday of our lives we do not reach the mountaintop. Nor should we demand such peak experiences from those we love.
  • Listening is not the core of communication in a relationship unless it is a listening with interest. It is more than simply hearing what a loved-one is saying (while waiting your turn to speak). Listening is opening your heart as well as your ears to what someone else is saying. It is caring about a side of the issue that you may not have before considered.
  • On the other hand, opening up and letting the other person see your vulnerability is a good part of communication as well. “This is how I felt when you did that. I hope we can agree to work this out because I don’t want to be at odds with you over this. Help me to understand how I (unintentionally) offended you.
  • Sacrificing your time when it is inconvenient to do so to help a loved one who has no one else to turn is an action of true love. Such an attitude is the basis of all good friendships. With time, any interpersonal connection void of friendship will melt down to two selfish people taking from each other, but scarcely seeing the need to give.
  • Can you say these three words when appropriate? “I Am Sorry.”
  • “Here, let me hold you until you let go of that stress” is another loving attitude to express and do. It is the height of giving oneself when a loved one is overwhelmed.

Love is both inborn and learned. It takes the key of compassion to activate either expression. These seven means will build that compassion in you.

Debbie speaking again, How can I help but love what Pat wrote? She has no blog or website (yet) or I would link to it. She is writing a novel. I was given a sneak peek at it and I am so excited to read the whole thing when she is complete. In the meantime, I am grateful for her contributions here.

This month is Halloween month. Around my neighborhood, the decorations are already being put outside. Some are lovely, fall themed displays. Some are cutesy Halloween ornaments. Then there are the decorations of the scary nature. For obvious reasons (I believe) scary becomes a theme during this time of year. So, it seemed appropriate that I take some time this month to discuss fears, phobias and superstitions.

These are scary times for many of us. The value of the dollar in the US seemingly plummets with every day right now. Jobs, even bad ones, seem precious. Homes have for sale signs all around. This can allow us to become paralyzed with fear. If you are a small business owner, as I am, it is easy to focus on the negative warnings of the news media and fear, then become paralyzed, unable to make any clear cut business decisions. America’s financial crisis is fueling chronic stress and limiting some people’s ability to think clearly, control emotions and regulate bodily functions in a healthy manner.

Now, in fact, is the time to take control of emotions. We can better regulate the mind-body stress responses. It is important to understand that there is productive worry and unproductive worry. Productive worry is thinking about situations in which you can take control and using those thoughts to conceive pro-active behaviors. Use productive worry to help you create a plan for taking actions that will reduce your stress. Unproductive worry is stinking thinking, focusing over and over on situations over which you have no control. Allowing that worry to create adverse reactions in your body.

Using productive worry, you can create budgets, eliminate unnecessary extras and come up with creative ways to make saving a family affair. As a business owner, return to basics, what has worked in the past? What does your business offer that makes you special? Who is your customer, what are their concerns? The same thing applies to you as an employee, what are your best attributes?

Perhaps you want to list those qualities for yourself, as a reminder. I am a big believer in making lists. Focus on yourself (or your business) and begin to list all those qualities that make you special. When you take those thoughts from the abstract to the concrete by putting them in writing, they become yours at a deeper level. You own them!

While it is a good thing to remain informed, take a break from the news. Rather than watching, reading and following every pundit’s thoughts on what is going on, go for a walk with the dog, read a good book or enjoy a moment of self hypnosis. Visualize yourself someplace happy and safe, filled with the memories of calm, serene moments.

Stay connected with your friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself from your support systems. Be sure to pay attention to loved ones and keep involved in your daily routines. Enjoy social occasions. Play!

Stress and worry take a physical toll, so be sure to use self hypnosis for relaxation of the body as well as the mind. Remember to breathe! Your breathe is always with you, breathe deep.

Play

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I decided while in college that a life without structure was one doomed to mishaps and blunders. Program your work, I told myself, and then work your program. By the end of my freshman year, I had begun to schedule my time with great sufficiency. Graduating three years later, the scheme appeared to have worked.

The adage that if it is not broken, you should not fix it, locked into my thinking. It felt only natural when I began my professional life to re-engage those means, which had managed my time in college. Again, affording me great organization in most of my career choices, the “always-schedule” approach lasted for years.

Perhaps due to the turmoil of our present day economy, or the number of natural disasters worldwide lately or maybe because I am just getting older and wiser.—my attitude toward time utilization changed. I cannot explain why it happened. It became not only important that I maintained goals in life, but that I include play in those goals.

The idea seemed risky at first. Years of a self-imposed straightjacket of work, work, and work–sought to undermine my intentions.

“You are not serious about this juvenile behavior, are you?” my straightjacket self wanted to know. The fraternal twin, Guilt and Disrepute gave her an Amen!

I would not hear them out. Instead, to welcome my newfound appreciation for play, I immediately took off my shoes and went outside to walk barefoot in the rain. A sheer pleasure, in which I had not engaged since a child.

That night, my straightjacket self apologized for over-reacting and causing me to do such a rebellious thing. She said, “Unlike the subconscious mind, the conscious part of me occasionally makes mistakes.”.

Gently, I nodded.

“I’m glad we had this little talk. No real harm done.” She smiled. Emitting a kind of smugness.

Early, the next morning, I phoned Janet. Overwhelmed by a schedule of her own, she right away supported the notion that we take the whole day off and head for Venice Beach.

“Why not? What is the point of living in LA if you don’t occasionally get the chance to breathe a little ocean air?” Janet clicked off her cell phone in glee.

Around seven, after setting the dishwasher, my scheduling self sat me down for a yet a second talk. “Is this getting out of hand, do you think? You bring home dinner from a deli because you spent all day gabbing with Janet?”

Properly upbraided, I opened my laptop and effortlessly wrote the next 10 pages to my novel. Then with all those ocean-charged ions still floating in my brains, I went to bed and slept like a baby. When I read my novel entry next day, I found that the 10 pages needs very little editing.

Oh my gosh, I was on to something. The more I played—was my writing getting better?

Hearing my thinking, my scheduling self objected in hasty rebuttal.

“Don’t you dare!” she uncompromisingly declared. “Don’t even think I’ll let you get away with such childishness again.”

I kept a straight face.

Close to a year has passed since the day Janet and I bummed around in the ocean’s wave while forgetting most of what comprised our equally demanding To Do lists. Now, play is what we take time to do now–every chance that we can.

Mind you, we still accomplish the items on our To Do lists. In fact, we write play into out lists. For me, the balance achieved by including such energy-producing sessions in my life makes all the difference in the world.

Even my subconscious self seems content with the change. I don’t know how, but in the acceptance of my new agenda, she managed to lose her straightjacket. One day at the pier, both of us enjoying a window-shopping stroll with Janet, our menacing tyrant dropped her whip and just left. Five points for play, zero for a stress-filled existence.

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is his great coffee. He makes the best coffee ever. Further more, he serves it to me in the morning, every morning as I am still foggy from the night’s slumber. Before we were married, this marvelous man would sneak into my home on his way to work and fix my coffee, so that I would stumble down to the kitchen and find a fresh brewed cup waiting for me!

I limit myself to one or two cups of coffee, most days. That is a miracle, considering my heritage. You see, my mother always repeated that we were weaned from the breast by cups of coffee. (Remember that our truths are filtered by the words we hear from birth to age 8, so she was setting me up to have a love affair with the seductress coffee.) I believe I have vague memories of my mother wandering the house hooked up to an IV with a coffee drip. (OK, maybe that was just a fantasy my mother often spoke of.) Coffee ice cream was a treat reserved for something special, like living through the day, maybe? Iced coffee was a staple in the summer.

I have passed this legacy on to my first born. Every Monday, I write him a note in a funny card and include something like an article or a comic I thought he would enjoy, a crisp $20 bill or a gift card to Starbucks. His favorite find is the Starbucks card. My youngest son does not have the same love of coffee and I am wondering if maybe he was switched at birth because of that, but I will save that for another day.

Why all this information about coffee, especially in a hypnosis blog? Well, partly because of the power of suggestion. I just read an article pertaining to coffee and current brain research. Also, anything to do with brain research is guaranteed to interest me and I love to share the news. So, here is the scoop:

Studies in the past have shown that drinking coffee can relieve stress as well as reduce depression, but scientist attributed these effects to the caffeine in the coffee, not to the smell. Scientists have found that the mere smell of coffee has an effect on the brain.

 

Korean researchers conducted experiments with rats to study the effects of coffee’s smell on the brain. Stressed, sleep-deprived rats and rats that were not stressed were exposed to the aroma of coffee. The activity of the brain of these two groups were compared to two other groups of rats. One group was stressed and sleep deprived, the second group was unstressed, neither were exposed to the smell of coffee.

The researchers found that when the rats were exposed to the smell of coffee, thirteen genes in the brain that control anxiety were stimulated at different levels of activity. The result was a reduction in stress of the sleep-deprived rats.

 

According to the Korean researchers, for the first time, their experiment provides “clues to the potential antioxidant or stress-relaxation activities of the coffee bean aroma. These experiments indirectly explain why so many people use coffee for staying up all night. The stress caused by sleep loss via caffeine may be alleviated through smelling the coffee aroma.”

P.S. Honey you now know one of the 180 reasons I listed, only 179 to go!

No, I am not writing myself a letter. Not that I am against that. In my morning journaling, I often write letters. Sometimes to God, sometimes to someone I need to get clear with (in my head) and sometimes to me (Debbie)! This time, however, I am including some questions that have been sent to me. I have been receiving questions for awhile now. Usually, I write an email back. It can be a few lines in a quick response or a missive, depending on the question, the day and my mood.

I have decided to start including some of the questions here when appropriate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Debbie

A few further thoughts of mine.
If I settle down in the way you describe I’m liable to fall asleep. Is that always so? If so, how do you waken yourself up?

How do you keep your mind concentrated on the thoughts you want? Are there any particular techniques? This is linked really to falling asleep, because when my mind wanders off, that is when I fall asleep, at least when I’m lying down!

Many of my clients are concerned that if they take the time to relax and focus they might just fall asleep. I often have clients in my office voice the same concern. I jokingly tell them, I am not that nice, they won’t be permitted to sleep. In all truth, there are times I have seen that a client would benefit from a few moments of sleep, so I do some of the work we need to do, let them go deeper into a sleep state briefly, then bring them back up for some final thoughts as they return to awareness.

If you find that you are concerned about falling asleep, perhaps it is the time of day you are practicing self hypnosis. You may want to try early morning when you feel fully rested, or just before lunch, perhaps right before dinner. You know your patterns, find a time of day when you feel most alert. Secondly, sit upright in a chair, as opposed to laying down. This will help prevent going to sleep.

I often tell my clients who listen to audios I prepare for their use at home, that if they fall asleep listening to it, they won’t hear what is said once they are asleep. However, the good news is, the last thing their subconscious heard as they fell asleep was positive and empowering and now part of their new habits, behaviors, etc!

The subconscious mind knows exactly how to wake you, if you set the intention. Remember, the number one job of the subconscious mind is to protect you. So, if finishing in, let’s say, 20 minutes is best for you, you will awaken in 20 minutes. As a precaution, use a timer at first. Set it for the amount of time you wish to dedicate to the exercise and then when it goes off, you will hear it, even if you have heard nothing else the entire time!

Allow normal thoughts to pass through your mind. If you fight them, that becomes your focus. Remember, what you resist will persist! As you allow a thought to occur and then release it, remind yourself what it is you want to accomplish, eventually, the mind will do this with ease. Perhaps a white noise machine or music without words will help. (I have music dedicated to this for both home and office.)

Hopefully these ideas will help you as you begin on your journey. On my website there is a free download for stress reduction. It is a great way to begin using self hypnosis. Go to this link, try it out and let me know what you think!

Stress Reduction Free Download

There was more to this letter, I will address the rest in another post.

For now, happy stress reducing!


I had a new client set up for first thing this morning. We had chatted on the phone when she set up the appointment, and she was truly delightful on the phone. However, she was seeing me about her fear of driving distances and arranged to have her husband bring her to my office. She had bragged to many about making this bold step.

I had shared with her the story of another client whose husband delivered her to her first visit. After that, she drove in on her own. With time and a few more sessions, she was going places on her own that she hadn’t thought possible. She was setting up healthy boundaries with her family and friends and she blossomed amazingly. Well, today’s client, I will call her Mary Jane, called me just devastated this morning. Mary Jane had worked herself into such fear, that she couldn’t make the trip to my office. We chatted a few moments and then she asked if I do hypnosis over the phone. Gee, why hadn’t I thought of that, when in fact I do it with out of state clients all the time.

We had a marvelous session. I have talked with her again today (I had to correct an appointment time for the next session) and she said, “I just feel so happy today.” If that doesn’t bring a smile to your face, knowing someone has done the work and and is responding, than what will?

There is a woman in Indiana who calls me on occasion for session work. She changed careers and moved from one state to another after the loss of her mother and a divorce. Obvioulsy stress was a factor in her life. Resulting from that, she was disorganized. She knew her business could be a big one, she just needed to figure out how to get to that place. Three phone calls later, her business is booming, she is in a new relationship and she is at peace with the loss of her mother.

Ben, in Atlanta, calls me for his “booster” every so often. Maurice called me before he took his test for real estate. (He passed!) I have worked with all kinds of people in all kinds of places. I encourage people to find a local hypnotist. There are many good individuals in this field all over. However, when you establish rapport with someone and you feel a connection, often, that is who you want to help you through the process. So, if it is across a distance, thank heavens for phones! Yes, hypnosis can be called in.

Should you want to schedule a sessionwith me by phone, please call my office at: (727) 781 – 8483. I return all calls and will gladly assist you on your path to “Unlock Your Natural Potential”.

Another weekend has passed, another week begins. It is amazing how time passes so quickly. As a child, time seems to crawl. You count your age by the smallest of increments in order to sound older. Suddenly, somewhere, time begins to race. This morning I was thinking of my oldest son, picturing him as the sweet cherub faced baby he once was. He is 20 years old now and 6’4″ or more. (All I know is I look up to talk with him.) It seems so recent that he was that baby, however. I was able to recall the smiles, hear his laughs and revisit that wonderful baby smell. It brought back a wonderful feeling of joy, helping me start my week out with a pleasant feeling.

Hypnosis affects time perception. Just last week a client was in my office for a visit. She thought it had only been about 20 minutes. She had actually arrived at 6:00 p.m. and it was now 7:30 p.m. Under hypnosis, she lost all track of time. She has a stressful job and she was amazed how much more energy she had as well. She had arrived at my office exhausted from her day, now she felt invigorated and ready to conquer the world, at least her portion of it. The other benefit, however, is that she sleeps better at night as a result of hypnosis.

Take a moment, and breathe deep. Allow your body to relax. Listen to your body, allow it to tell you where the tensions are and release them. Give yourself permission to feel good, it is wonderful to allow comfort in every part of your body. Then let your mind wander and drift to a happy moment. Recall the memory with every sense. Really enjoy that moment, breathe it in. Now, thinking about the week to come, realize that many more moments are available to create joy and laughter in your life. Many opportunities to feel happy are there. I wonder which ones you will choose?