My wife is stressed and has lost her happiness. She is always upset and I have to hide it from the kids. Can you help her?
My first question would be does your wife know you are calling me? Is this help she wants or you want for her?
I often have well meaning friends and family call or write me wanting help for a loved one. “I want my Dad to quit smoking or my wife wants to lose a few pounds.” While it is great to be supportive of a loved ones goals for positive change, allow those changes to be the desires of the loved one.
Now, when a spouse asks me about the others emotional side, I want to know why that individual is not placing the call. It is important that I spend a few moments speaking privately with the person who will be receiving the help. I have also found it helpful to interview the one who places the call in private as well. In the case of the individual who wrote the above note, he was feeling overwhelmed and trapped by his wife’s emotional state. He was doing his best to remain strong and solid, but, he had sacrificed any time for himself in the process. He was becoming controlling, because he felt his life was so out of control.
I worked with the wife on her concerns, we did some regression work to allow her to see her strengths and to experience feeling safe in those situations that had sparked this emotional state. We also used Neuro-linguistic programming, allowing her to change her thoughts from those of doom and gloom to learning the lessons in her past without feeling the emotion. We carried her forward into future possible situations where she could apply those lessons and avoid the pitfalls. We worked on recalling thoughts that made her laugh and her husband was astonished when he heard her laughing later, it had been two years!
I worked with the husband on stress relief and we created a plan of action for him. Found ways
he could get back to his favorite activity, body building. How great for him to get away from the stresses and release endorphins back into his system as well. There is more work to be done with this couple, but now their future’s so bright, they gotta wear shades!
“He was becoming controlling, because he felt his life was so out of control.” This statement made me have a light-bulb-moment, Debbie! Things have improved this past year for me as my life has become more centered….which allows for less need to control. Am still working for improvement, tho’! :>))
What a wonderful thing you did for both of them!! I love your approach with handling both…and yet part of me thinks that it would be real nice if my Hubby NOTICED I was stressed, much less call someone for guidance about it.
Excellent job. These “case studies” are always so interesting to read. So glad I have absolutely no “issues” to work on, as I’m practically perfect in every way. (HA!)Hmm…maybe an ego adjustment?
@ Cindy,
improvement, a life long journey. You have traveled an amazing path my friend. 🙂
@ grandy,
As much as we wish it were different, hubby’s don’t read minds, or even maps! Unless you are in total break down mode and that is no fun, the best you can hope for is honest discussion of your stresses and how he can help. For me, it isn’t fixing things (as men often want to), it is simply listen dear, let me vent and I will be all better after words!
@ henson ray,
ego adjustment? Never! It might fracture your fabulous creativity. I prefer to leave you the way you are. Now the cat on your blog? That is another story…..
I agree with exercise a tool for destressing. It works for me too.
I tell my patients to write the things which stress them and relax them and further subdivide the lists into what can be avoided and what cannot. Recognition of the trigger is the best way to avoid stress.