Have you ever known someone who seems miserable, regardless of their circumstances? Perhaps you have even been that person. I know there have been occasions where I just plain wanted to indulge in a pity party. After a particularly bad bought of such emotions, I decided to take a look at what was really going on and made a determined effort to change it. In doing so I became aware of the deadly habits of the chronically unhappy and how I fix them.

Breaking the habits of a chronically unhappy person

Believing your own thoughts!

The unhappy person spends a lot of time ruminating about what has happened and what might happen. Ironically, the unhappy person often thinks they are superior to others because they know in advance that things will go wrong. Why can’t others see what they do?

Possibly the others do see the same things, they just don’t jump to the same conclusions. After all, it is true that all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are square.  In other words, circumstances may be similar, but there may also be differences. Just because I had a negative outcome with one store clerk doesn’t mean that every clerk is going to use bad judgement.

We all have thoughts that freak us out. Some days I don’t care about those thoughts. The difference between the good days and the bad days is simply my state of being. When I feel good, my emotional immune system is more stable. It is important to remember that feelings are simply an indication of how trustworthy thinking is. When feeling bad, it’s a sign to take one’s thoughts less seriously.

When feeling good, that’s when I can solve problems. But often I find that problems solve themselves, if I’m willing to get out of the way. So what I’m repeating is that it’s our thoughts that makes us unhappy, not our circumstances.

Chronic Complaining

It is easy to get caught up in complaints. It can even become a competition. One person says the room is too cold in an office, the next says the music is too loud and the next says the break room is dirty. The list continues until everyone is miserable. All the flaws of the office have been pointed out and no one remembers the three day weekend coming up, the fresh coffee that was just brewed or maybe even last year’s big bonus.

Driving around town can be hectic where I live right now, it is a very busy tourist time and so no one knows where they are headed or which lane they should be in so that they can get to the proper exit. Complaining begins again.

Social media can be a huge arena for complaints. Sometimes I almost laugh at what people find to complain about on social media. I scratch my head and wonder if these people have ever really looked around to see the conditions that the less fortunate live in. In the past two weeks I have had a microwave stop working, a trailer axle break, a boat battery fail (resulting in being towed in) an automatic lid opener fail, the garage door opener  broke and needs replacement , a computer needed repair and a phone wouldn’t take a charge. Through all of it, my husband and I continued to laugh and say we are so lucky to have first world problems. None of it made it to social media as a complaint.

We learned long ago that complaining only made others associate us with negativity. That isn’t who we wanted to be. So, we started our Complaint Diets. Nothing could be complained about for a period of 24 hours. After that, if it still bothered us, we were permitted a 15 minute complaint period. After waiting, it just didn’t seem worth it to ruin our good moods with such trivia.

Unhealthy Habits

Sleep is essential. A lack of sleep corresponds with how happy and productive the next day will be. It may be tempting to watch the late night shows or work a few extra hours, but that is negatively affecting your ability to handle stress. A lack of sleep can affect memory, the ability to learn, decrease sex drive, increase accidents, impair judgements and lead to depression.  Get that much needed beauty rest (lack of sleep also had a negative effect on the skin) to stay more positive!

While we all have guilty food pleasures and the occasional indulgence may occur, unhappy people tend to let their indulgences become their habits. Eating healthy foods can lift your mood, give you more energy, and improve your physical health. Plus, getting creative in the kitchen is a mood lifter and a relationship booster. My husband and I play a little food prep challenge, similar to one of the cooking channel shows. One will put out 4 ingredients and the other has to come up with a healthy recipe using them. We cook together and have a blast experimenting.

Exercise has endless mental, emotional and physical benefits. Exercise releases hormones that cause you to feel better about yourself and your life. This creates a chain reaction and you become more likely to live a healthy lifestyle. There are so many fun ways to move your body, just think of it like play and get out and move. When I include regular exercise whether it’s a class or a bike ride I feel happier. When I don’t, I can tell because I become a sluggard and unmotivated.

Gossip

Remember what mom taught us, that if you can’t say something nice, then there is no reason to say anything at all. People who are unhappy sometimes try to bring other people down in order to try and feel better, but this never works! One of the most harmful effects of gossip is that it will come back to haunt you. If you’re gossiping about someone else, you can be sure that, at some point, someone will also gossip about you. It might even be the same people with whom you’re gossiping. Nothing exudes unhappiness and insecurity more than negative small talk about someone else. Ask yourself, why would a happy, confident person engage in something that is of no benefit? The answer is, they wouldn’t.

A better practice is to lift others up and work on feeling great yourself! If we become what we focus on, then why not focus on spreading good thoughts and ideas? I use a lesson from the classroom and try to catch people doing things right, then pointing that out. It often brings me more of the same responses in the future, which makes room for happiness.

Being A Perfectionist

While trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing, taken too far it can be highly detrimental to your emotional health. Perfectionism is like living with a constant report card rating your accomplishments or looks. This doesn’t leave room for accidents or even surprises, which can lead to a host of issues such as depression, anxiety, and chronic unhappiness. There is no room for personal growth if there is no room for failure.  Your goal shouldn’t be perfection, but rather improvement and personal growth. Remember — nobody is perfect!

Perfectionism can be a control issue, wanting to avoid all of life’s challenges. Instead of remaining in the habit of resisting challenges and obstacles, I ask myself: What can I learn from this? I have learned to roll with my abilities and laugh at my occasional awkwardness. The more I surrender to life, the more powerful I become. Surrender simply means not trying to figure everything out, or trying to control life.

Happiness is a choice. As I work towards good habits and thought processes there is little room left for the negative ones. It takes practice, just like learning to play the piano. The reward is similar, life sounds so much better when I am happy. Like the old shampoo labeling used to say, lather, rinse and repeat. So it is with happiness, practicing daily is what sets the happy person apart from the unhappy ones. Those who are happy aren’t perfect, just determined.