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I’m Not Gollum

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I thought I might be Gollum, you know the fictional character from Lord Of The Rings. Like Gollum, I have coveted something “precious” in the past and it has stolen my joy. But after researching more about Gollum and his psychological profile, I am relieved to say I am not him. Still, the truth is, I have envied others and it did steal the joy from that moment.

What I have come to realize is that it is up to me whether I enjoy my life. I can see the beauty in my morning walks and feel gratitude that I am able to walk safely where I live or I can resent that I have to get up and out by a certain time every day in order to keep my dog from having accidents and keep up with my work schedule. I can enjoy creating fun and different dinners each night with my husband or I can feel put upon that I have to cook. If a friend or neighbor gets a newer and fancier vehicle than mine, does that diminish that I have a safe mode of transportation?

I recently spoke with a client who expressed that she was angry with the Universe because she thought she might not get a job she had interviewed for, her gym was possibly closing and she had to delay a home improvement project due to finances, while someone she knew had just won $5000.  When we broke things down into smaller chunks, she realized life might not be all that bad. The job had not been assigned to anyone yet and she was still a candidate. Furthermore, she currently has a very good job. The gym was still open and she had also signed up for some classes in another club where she was making new friends. While the home improvement project might be delayed, she has a lovely home for her and her children to live in. So, maybe she isn’t the Universal Hacky Sack?

Her real issue was something totally different and she had begun to allow that situation to color all of her thinking. She is not alone in doing that. To some extent, it seems we all do. We allow one aggressive driver who cuts us off to change our mood for the day. If you break things down into numbers and percentages though, how much of your total day did you deal with that one incident? I am not fond of being left on hold for twenty minutes by customer service, but out of 24 hours, it is really less than one percent of my day.  When I remember that, I can choose to use the time more constructively. I can deep breathe, color or doodle, clean out my spam files; there are any numbers of possibilities. Imagine if I took that time to make a gratitude list, so that the next time I felt jealous of someone else, I could pull it out and remember why my life is so good?

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Not Making A Choice Is Still A Choice

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Recently I had my hair cut. The gal who did it is very talented at hair styling. She has been doing it for many years and has now decided it is time for a change. She returned to school to learn a new skill and is ready to try a new career. While she thinks it will be exciting, she is filled with apprehension. She spoke with the customer before me about how scared she is and then brought it up with me. She wondered if she was too old, too dumb (even though she has done well in school), too new at it, etc. to get a job.  She is going to do very well at the new career, once she begins to believe in herself,

Why? Because she has a passion for the new career, a huge obstacle to happiness is neglecting your calling. I have heard it said that dreams and goals are not placed on our hearts to mock us, but rather to inspire us. If we never go beyond what we know, if we never go beyond our comfort zone, then we will never know what we might have done or been. That, to me, is sadder than trying and failing.

My choice was to leave boring security and pursue hypnosis

Trust me; working in the field of hypnosis has been a leap of faith for me. It has meant leaving the comforts of being an employee and venturing into a business where I have to explain what I do and dispel myths about what I do daily. However, the rewards have been so very worth it. I have witnessed people making life altering changes, opening up to their true potentials and overcome fears that held them paralyzed.

I recently had a client who wasn’t sure what she wanted to pursue career wise, she had an idea, but kept making excuses why it wasn’t the right career for her. She was already in the field, just in a different capacity. Though out her childhood, she had been told she wasn’t enough. Those old tapes remained in her head. We had to find a new tape to play, one that benefitted and fit the person she is today.  It was time to evict the person who had torn her down for many years from the space she held in thoughts and move in a new, more supportive person.

One other point for each of these women was they had to stop seeking permission. As children we seek permission to play, go outdoors, to try new things. But, if we never learn to self-govern we continue to seek permission from those around us.  Life choices such as career are something we are going to live with, not the people we are asking. It is very powerful when we begin to realize that we have the freedom of choice. We can choose to risk and dare, we can choose to be happy, or we can choose to play it safe and never know the thrill of living fully.

May your choices fulfill you, whatever they are!

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My Head Was Ready To Explode

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Today I was angry. So angry I wanted to do something about it, so I am writing this. You see I was on a board where a colleague was attempting to sell his expertise. Apparently he thinks himself an expert on weight management. I don’t know him. I don’t know his track record. It may be that he has helped hundreds to shed the weight. What I do know is that he hurt me tremendously. In fact, what he wrote caused me physical pain.

Here is what he said that upset me so much, “Losing weight really is not that hard, just time consuming. People say it is hard because they are lazy and don’t want to get out there and be physically active. They want to take the easy way out and stay in the comfort of their home and diet.”  I stared at the screen, blinked and felt myself go blind momentarily while I tried to wrap my head around the fact that anyone who wants to help people shed weight could believe such garbage.

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Instant Karma, Life’s Lessons

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Life is a great teacher, sometimes irony is the text. There are times when it seems that I get a bit busy helping my clients deal with the everyday “stuff”. I remind them in an appropriate (at least I hope so) manner that some of what they are telling me about is really what we call “first world problems”. I also remind them of the 3 P’s, that is, none of this is permanent, pervasive or personal. After we conduct a hypnosis session on “letting go” they leave all smiles and ready to take on the world.

That is what happened earlier today and THAT is when I got to walk my talk. Today I had one of life’s lessons. I had some free time available to run last minute errands for Easter. I knew I was going to be fully booked and engaged after today, so this was the make or break time to get things done. I took out from their hiding spots the goodies I had for various gift baskets and began to assemble. This would allow me to see what else I needed. Feeling so very efficient (I had done more than I realized in advance) I knew I only needed to get a couple more things to wrap it all up.life lessons

Now, Ms. Organized was ready to hit the road, make a couple of stops and get back in time to drink a green tea and relax. Apparently, when I went to yoga yesterday, I locked my handbag in the back of my car. When I got home, I never thought to get it back out. My husband, at my insistence had driven my car to his office today, so I could use the truck he normally drives. So that left me without cash, credit cards, debit cards or personal I.D. Hey, I am resourceful, I had just been paid by check, so I could run to the bank and deposit It, keeping a little of the money. Oops, wait! I was out of deposit slips. The bank will take your money, but to get cash back, one has to prove who one is.

Now, this was a first world problem, limited time and no money available to me. So after taking a breath, I had to laugh. Was I going to get mad, would that solve anything? Was it worth the energy of anger? What about the 3 P’s: Permanent – I would have my purse back when hubby got home, Pervasive -my health, family, personal life and career are intact and Personal – I did this, it wasn’t done to me. But really, did I have to have Instant Karma?

I did find a work around, thank you Chase Bank in Crystal Beach for being so cooperative without risking my security. Thank you Nancy, my neighbor who happened into the bank at the same time for offering some great laughs, too.  Thank you Publix for having the items I wanted on a reduced sale.  Most of all, thank you life for an easy lesson this time!

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Be Here Now, The Key To Happiness

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After posting my blog yesterday about the habits of unhappiness, I happened across this Ted Talk today that was given by Matt Killingsworth. Matt is a researcher on the subject of happiness. In this talk he explains how his research led him to understand that a wandering mind can rob us of our happiness and that by staying in the moment, we remain in a state of happy.

Matt has also created an app for smart phones called Track Your Happiness. The intent is to assist you in tracking what makes you individually happy. I am going to download this for fun, so I thought maybe you too would like to.

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Habits Of The Chronically Unhappy

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Have you ever known someone who seems miserable, regardless of their circumstances? Perhaps you have even been that person. I know there have been occasions where I just plain wanted to indulge in a pity party. After a particularly bad bought of such emotions, I decided to take a look at what was really going on and made a determined effort to change it. In doing so I became aware of the deadly habits of the chronically unhappy and how I fix them.

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Overcoming Phobias

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I was recently asked if hypnosis could help one overcome a phobia of spiders. This individual had tried to do some searching online, but only came up with sites of hypnotists who included pictures of the spiders! Really, this is how you help someone? By scaring them off with visuals? Funny, that wasn’t a part of my training.

Hypnosis does help with fears and phobias. It is how I overcame a phobia of snakes.

What is a phobia?

First of all, let’s define what a phobia is. According to the Mayo Clinic website:

A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger but provokes anxiety and avoidance. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long lasting, causes intense physical and psychological reactions, and can affect your ability to function normally at work or in social settings.

So, while phobias may not post a real threat to one’s safety, they can create a lot of havoc in one’s life. I have worked with many people who have phobias. Often they are embarrassed by their fears. What has happened is that in meaning to help; people tell them all the logical reasons that their phobia is wrong. The problem with that is that if in fact it was just logic, they would already be over it. The first thing I try to express to my client is that they are not crazy or all that different. In fact, most people have some form of “irrational behavior”. I mean really, is it all that rational for a ball player to have to put on his right sock and right shoe before his left sock and left shoe in order not to jinx a game? Is it rational that if things don’t go perfectly, we decide we are a failure? Yet, people have irrational thoughts and behaviors every day.

How to handle phobias?

Once the individual realizes that they don’t need to be embarrassed, we work on relaxation techniques.  Deep breathing and muscle relaxation will help one understand that they are in control of their body, not the panic attack. It gives them a renewed sense of self control and a method to use during stressful situations.  From there we can begin to challenge the negative thoughts. First by putting them into a category, such as fortune telling (the spider is going to crawl on me and bite me), over generalizing (once a dog bit me, so all dogs will now bite me) or catastrophizing (the person next to me coughed, they probably have Ebola and now I will too).

From there we work the “magic” of trance. It is during this time that we can imagine being in the presence of whatever causes the phobic reaction as calm and in control as if we were enjoying a day at the beach (or park if you are phobic of water). Giving the person a physical reminder of being calm and in control such as touching their ring finger is a useful tool for after the session as well.

Not all sessions go exactly the way I have described above, each session is as different as the person in the chair. What is a common thread however is that when leaving my office there is a much calmer and happier person than the one that first arrived.

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March is Spiritual Wellness Month

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This month there is a celebration called Spiritual Wellness Month. The intent is to provide us with an opportunity to practice living life in perfect balance within our body, mind and spirit. Although we think of ourselves as humans with a spirit, we are actually Spirits with a human body. When we neglect our spiritual side, we neglect our core selves. This will cause disease or dis-ease. When a client complains to me of discomfort in an area of their body, they are often surprised when I can zero in on an issue they are dealing with at the same time. Now, I don’t want to guilt or shame anyone. Illness is real, as are injuries and medical treatment where appropriate needs to be taken care of.

However, if you have sought treatment and still have discomfort, getting a referral from your doctor to a good hypnotherapist is a good idea. I have helped many people change how they feel and deal with their bodies. There is a relationship between the body, mind and spirit; having any one part of you out of balance will affect the other parts.  Eating healthy, getting exercise is good for the body as well as the mind and spirit. Feeding the mind with new information and exercising it with play also helps the body and the spirit. Nourishing your spirit and checking in on your beliefs, helps the body and the mind.

When one has Spiritual Wellness these qualities exist:

  • Non-judgmental
  • Discipline
  • Selflessness
  • Helpful
  • Respectable
  • Actions creating inner peace

So how do you rate your Spiritual Wellness? Are those qualities that others would say you have?

Some ways to examine your Spiritual Wellness include asking yourself:

  • How accepting am I of others?
  • Am I able to forgive other people?
  • Am I able to forgive myself?
  • Do I help serve my community?
  • Do I feel fulfilled?
  • Do I participate in spiritual activities?
  • Do I feel a harmony between what is inside me and outside forces?

If you want to achieve spiritual Wellness you can try the following tools:

  • Prayer
  • Mediation
  • Self-hypnosis
  • Community Service
  • Yoga
  • Realize and act upon your beliefs
  • Accept views of others
  • Spend time in nature
  • Take a 24 hour vow of no complaints
  • Sing loudly
  • Dance like no one is watching
  • Create a mission statement for your life

What suggestions do you have?

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Crying Is Good For You

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I had the privilege of meeting a bright and interesting young woman in my office. She wanted to work on what seemed to be a pretty easy issue. Things are never quite what they seem though, are they? In a matter of moments things got emotional and tears began to flow. Last week, when working with a weight client, she too ran high on emotion and the tears flowed. Tears don’t bother me, it is when the person begins to apologize for them that I am concerned. After all, I have tissues available.

Have we been so trained to “behave well”, that we think we have to eliminate anything real? Are tears really that bad, so that they should never occur in front of others?

I was reprimanded by the mother of a friend of mine when I was a young child. We had been to see the movie Ring Of Bright Water. It was the story of  a pet otter and it was adorable. However, it had a tragic ending and I wept.  This woman probably meant well, but she told me to stop crying and that I shouldn’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I stopped crying while in her presence, but the tears flowed as soon as I was out of her watch. It was cathartic to cry.

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Listening Awareness Month

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March is International Listening Awareness Month, as proclaimed by the International Listening Association (ILA). The mission of the ILA, according to their site is to advance the practice, teaching, and research of listening throughout the world. Interestingly, we are, in general very poor listeners. According to the International Listening Association, we only retain about half of what we hear immediately after we hear it, and only about 20% beyond that.

listening to the roarLast evening I went to a fun event (Hockey ‘N Heels) with a friend at the Amalie Arena. There were numerous women attending and so we were broken into groups as we toured a very large arena. The tour guides were very clear in their instructions, in order that people would remain safe while having a good time. The two of us noticed how frequently those instructions were ignored. In each of the stops along the tour, information was shared by both Lightning Team members and those who work in the background of the arena.

I learned a ton, yet still, I have to admit I have forgotten as much as I learned.  My mind wandered off to much of the other stimulus that was going on at the same time. The constant chatter of the ladies with their friends showed me that they too were often other directed. I noticed that some of the ladies seeming to be caught up in their own world, wanting to share their views and hear their own voices instead of listening to the speaker.

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