Is it time to make your happiness pit stop?
Can you really have too much happy? There are those who act happy to a point of giddy, they want to make a party out of a disaster and tend to negate other valid emotions. That is not what this celebration is about. August is National Happiness Month and I want to help you find yours. First thing you might consider is what NOT to do. In this article I have shared some things that the unhappy make habit, HABITS OF THE CHRONICALLY UNHAPPY.
Sometimes in order to be happier, we have to do something that isn’t fun, but will result in long happiness. I recently had a client share with me how attending a family reunion as a kid was so boring that it was almost painful for her. Now she is so glad she did, as there are many fond memories and connections from those events. She now drags her daughter to family reunions, kicking and screaming. Although I cannot say that scrubbing my bathroom plumbing is a joy, the end result makes me happy. To be happy in the long-term, we may have to stretch ourselves in the short-term. A willingness to try new things or see old things in new ways may be a prerequisite for lasting happiness.
There has been a lot of research in recent years with regard to happiness. While we tend to believe that we will be happy when we achieve a goal, research has found the opposite. It is the thought of the goal and the work that goes into achieving it that brings us happiness. Although we think winning the lottery will bring us happiness, once again, research says that is a fallacy as well. After three years of winning the lottery, the winner acclimates to the new normal and returns to their previous level of happiness or unhappiness.
So, what is happiness and how do we sustain it? According to Acacia Parks, Ph.D, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Hiram College, “The research suggests that happiness is a combination of how satisfied you are with your life (for example, finding meaning in your work) and how good you feel on a day-to-day basis. Both of these are relatively stable—that is, our life changes, and our mood fluctuates, but our general happiness is more genetically determined than anything else. The good news is, with consistent effort, this can be offset. Think of it like you think about weight: if you eat how you want to and are as active as you want to be, your body will settle at a certain weight. But if you eat less than you’d like or exercise more, your weight will adjust accordingly. If that new diet or exercise regimen becomes part of your everyday life, then you’ll stay at this new weight. If you go back to eating and exercising the way you used to, your weight will return to where it started. So it goes, too, with happiness.”
Furthermore, researcher Daniel J. Siegel, MD has concluded that with a daily habit of mindfulness the brain changes in ways that cause us to feel happier and more contented. Being mindful means being more fully aware of what is around us – what we can see, hear, touch and taste. Also, aware of what is happening inside us, our thoughts and our feelings. It’s about learning to observe all this without getting caught up in worrying or ruminating about it. We are then able to choose where we place our focus.
Tips For Making August Your Happiness Month
Notice
So, how do we begin a practice of happiness/mindfulness? Start with noticing your thoughts. What do you place your focus on? Focus on lasting meaning, not momentary feelings. Things that make us feel good in the moment may actually be unhealthy for us, creating guilt, remorse and negative health consequences down the road. All types of addictions fall into this category, as does mindless materialism. If we can focus on building a life in which we act authentically and are guided by our core values we can achieve more lasting happiness. This feeling may not be as intense as a momentary high, but it is deeper and more enduring. When we build authentic relationships and contribute to our family and community, we feel good about ourselves.
Savor
If we deliberately savor the good times, they will be there for us to draw upon in the not so good times. We have become pros at practicing for disaster, yet when it strikes we are no more prepared to handle it then we would have been had we not spent time worrying. Ironically, research shows we can extend our enjoyment of special times by deliberately thinking about them. We need to practice every day to rewire our brains for happiness. This means deliberately focusing attention on the positive parts of our day, such as the morning hug from a loved one, the adorable way our puppy wags her tail when we get home or the magnificent sunset outside our door.
Connect
When we allow our relationships to go onto autopilot, we lose our connections with others. Instead of thinking about what we are going to say next in a conversation, imagine just listening. Open your heart and listen to the feelings behind the words being spoken. This kind of attention will help your friends and loved ones feel that you really care about them and what they have to say. It will also help you to truly understand what they are trying to communicate. When you are focused on the experience of being with others while you are in their presence, you immediately make that quality time.
Give Thanks
There are volumes written on the benefits of keeping a gratitude journal. Taking time each day to review the things you are grateful changes the neural pathways of your brain. This will help you overcome the negativity bias you had hardwired into a more positive thought flow, improving your health and sleep! Being thankful fills us with optimism and self-confidence. Gratitude dampens our desires for “more” of everything—and it deepens our relationships with loved ones. And when we express our gratitude to someone, we get kindness and gratitude in return causing immediate increases in happiness and decreases in depressive symptoms.
Breathe
Taking time to breathe deeply and notice your breathes allows the mind and body to slow down and get into synch. We get busy and forget to notice our breathing, yet without breath, there is no life. So take time throughout the day to breathe deep. Feel the air going in and out of the body and notice the feelings that happen in the body when breathing long, slow breathes.
Mind your mind. Mindfulness is paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Opening our awareness beyond the narrowness of negativity can help bring back more balance and positivity into the picture. In other words, know what makes you happy and get happy!
