Have you ever known someone who seems miserable, regardless of their circumstances? Perhaps you have even been that person. I know there have been occasions where I just plain wanted to indulge in a pity party. After a particularly bad bought of such emotions, I decided to take a look at what was really going on and made a determined effort to change it. In doing so I became aware of the deadly habits of the chronically unhappy and how I fix them.
DebbieDona
I was recently asked if hypnosis could help one overcome a phobia of spiders. This individual had tried to do some searching online, but only came up with sites of hypnotists who included pictures of the spiders! Really, this is how you help someone? By scaring them off with visuals? Funny, that wasn’t a part of my training.
Hypnosis does help with fears and phobias. It is how I overcame a phobia of snakes.
What is a phobia?
First of all, let’s define what a phobia is. According to the Mayo Clinic website:
A phobia is an overwhelming and unreasonable fear of an object or situation that poses little real danger but provokes anxiety and avoidance. Unlike the brief anxiety most people feel when they give a speech or take a test, a phobia is long lasting, causes intense physical and psychological reactions, and can affect your ability to function normally at work or in social settings.
So, while phobias may not post a real threat to one’s safety, they can create a lot of havoc in one’s life. I have worked with many people who have phobias. Often they are embarrassed by their fears. What has happened is that in meaning to help; people tell them all the logical reasons that their phobia is wrong. The problem with that is that if in fact it was just logic, they would already be over it. The first thing I try to express to my client is that they are not crazy or all that different. In fact, most people have some form of “irrational behavior”. I mean really, is it all that rational for a ball player to have to put on his right sock and right shoe before his left sock and left shoe in order not to jinx a game? Is it rational that if things don’t go perfectly, we decide we are a failure? Yet, people have irrational thoughts and behaviors every day.
How to handle phobias?
Once the individual realizes that they don’t need to be embarrassed, we work on relaxation techniques. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation will help one understand that they are in control of their body, not the panic attack. It gives them a renewed sense of self control and a method to use during stressful situations. From there we can begin to challenge the negative thoughts. First by putting them into a category, such as fortune telling (the spider is going to crawl on me and bite me), over generalizing (once a dog bit me, so all dogs will now bite me) or catastrophizing (the person next to me coughed, they probably have Ebola and now I will too).
From there we work the “magic” of trance. It is during this time that we can imagine being in the presence of whatever causes the phobic reaction as calm and in control as if we were enjoying a day at the beach (or park if you are phobic of water). Giving the person a physical reminder of being calm and in control such as touching their ring finger is a useful tool for after the session as well.
Not all sessions go exactly the way I have described above, each session is as different as the person in the chair. What is a common thread however is that when leaving my office there is a much calmer and happier person than the one that first arrived.
This month there is a celebration called Spiritual Wellness Month. The intent is to provide us with an opportunity to practice living life in perfect balance within our body, mind and spirit. Although we think of ourselves as humans with a spirit, we are actually Spirits with a human body. When we neglect our spiritual side, we neglect our core selves. This will cause disease or dis-ease. When a client complains to me of discomfort in an area of their body, they are often surprised when I can zero in on an issue they are dealing with at the same time. Now, I don’t want to guilt or shame anyone. Illness is real, as are injuries and medical treatment where appropriate needs to be taken care of.
However, if you have sought treatment and still have discomfort, getting a referral from your doctor to a good hypnotherapist is a good idea. I have helped many people change how they feel and deal with their bodies. There is a relationship between the body, mind and spirit; having any one part of you out of balance will affect the other parts. Eating healthy, getting exercise is good for the body as well as the mind and spirit. Feeding the mind with new information and exercising it with play also helps the body and the spirit. Nourishing your spirit and checking in on your beliefs, helps the body and the mind.
When one has Spiritual Wellness these qualities exist:
- Non-judgmental
- Discipline
- Selflessness
- Helpful
- Respectable
- Actions creating inner peace
So how do you rate your Spiritual Wellness? Are those qualities that others would say you have?
Some ways to examine your Spiritual Wellness include asking yourself:
- How accepting am I of others?
- Am I able to forgive other people?
- Am I able to forgive myself?
- Do I help serve my community?
- Do I feel fulfilled?
- Do I participate in spiritual activities?
- Do I feel a harmony between what is inside me and outside forces?
If you want to achieve spiritual Wellness you can try the following tools:
- Prayer
- Mediation
- Self-hypnosis
- Community Service
- Yoga
- Realize and act upon your beliefs
- Accept views of others
- Spend time in nature
- Take a 24 hour vow of no complaints
- Sing loudly
- Dance like no one is watching
- Create a mission statement for your life
What suggestions do you have?
March is International Listening Awareness Month, as proclaimed by the International Listening Association (ILA). The mission of the ILA, according to their site is to advance the practice, teaching, and research of listening throughout the world. Interestingly, we are, in general very poor listeners. According to the International Listening Association, we only retain about half of what we hear immediately after we hear it, and only about 20% beyond that.
Last evening I went to a fun event (Hockey ‘N Heels) with a friend at the Amalie Arena. There were numerous women attending and so we were broken into groups as we toured a very large arena. The tour guides were very clear in their instructions, in order that people would remain safe while having a good time. The two of us noticed how frequently those instructions were ignored. In each of the stops along the tour, information was shared by both Lightning Team members and those who work in the background of the arena.
I learned a ton, yet still, I have to admit I have forgotten as much as I learned. My mind wandered off to much of the other stimulus that was going on at the same time. The constant chatter of the ladies with their friends showed me that they too were often other directed. I noticed that some of the ladies seeming to be caught up in their own world, wanting to share their views and hear their own voices instead of listening to the speaker.
In honor of St Patrick’s Day, I thought I would share this fun picture explaining 7 Lucky Facts. Last year I explained the story behind St. Patrick and the snakes he drove out of Ireland, encouraging you to drive the snakes/fears out of your own life.
Feeling Lucky?
I have an audio that I produced several years ago, to help you experience more luck. It is called, Living the Lucky Life. In honor of St Patrick’s Day and the many blessings that have recently poured into my life, it only seems right to pass good luck along.
This morning a weight client of mine commented how she had not realized that stress had been such a big factor in her weight gain and just how much hypnosis has helped her with her stress. She went on to further say that so many people she knows are stressed and they don’t know that hypnosis could help them! Wait a moment, she didn’t know that hypnosis could help relieve stress? Obviously from the number of clients I see for smoke cessation and weight management my message is out there. But apparently not the whole message. Hypnosis is a wonderful method to use for cutting down on stress!!!
Did you know there is good stress?
Happy Friday! Take some time to be kind to your brain this weekend. Here are a few tips to help you be a better brain owner:
Loving Your Brain Tips
- Take some time to relax, avoid stress as if it were poison, because truth be told it is! Psychiatrist Milton Erickson used to say, ‘if you meet someone who makes you feel bad about yourself – run!’ There are situations that are unavoidable in everyone’s life, however, we can choose whether or not to sacrifice our happiness for a long-term goal – a uniquely human capacity. Sometimes terrible things happen over which we have no control. Then we have to learn how to manage our painful feelings and accept some changes to our self and world view.
- Be sure to get enough sleep. You may have noticed that when you don’t get enough good quality sleep, it is harder to concentrate the next day. While you are sleeping, your memories of the day are “filed away” in the brain. People who suffer from sleep disturbances often experience memory problems. So be sure and get those zzz’s!
- Just as important is getting exercise. Whether you go for a run, go to the gym or participate in an active team sport, move it! Healthy blood flow in your brain strengthens and maintains your neuronal connections. A National Institute on Aging-funded study this year showed that moderate aerobic exercise can actually increase the size of the area of the brain involved in memory formation.
- A healthy diet promotes a healthy brain. Eat the rainbow and no, I don’t mean Skittles. When you eat colorful foods; orange, red, blue, purple, and green foods, these foods are loaded with phytonutrients and antioxidants. The nutrients are important brain food and the antioxidants are critical for your cell protection. Lean proteins, nuts, berries and complex carbs are all good for your brain. For a more complete list try this WebMD page: Eat Smart For A Healthier Brain. Even better, here is an article 33 Brain Foods to Help You Boost Your Productivity that has explanations of why these foods are good for the brain!
- Remember to practice mindfulness. Stop through out the day and just breathe. Notice what you are preoccupied with or any tensions in your body. If it can be addressed, do it! If not, put it away for a time when it can be dealt with. Don’t waste precious brain power with worry!
- Play games. That’s right, brains love exercise. The exercise of the brain is to be challenged and stimulated.
Be sure to take good care of that brain of yours and it will take good care of you for a long time.
A while back a client of mine told me after a session that when she closed her eyes she didn’t see a thing. That sounded about right to me, except, I had been telling her to picture or to visualize an image. We had been working together for a while and she was having great success and sharing stories of some of her adventures while in the chair that had me riveted. Therefore, it never occurred to me that she was fighting the visualization idea.
This was earlier in my career with hypnosis and I hadn’t fully embraced client centered hypnosis. I still read scripts a bit more than I should have and I relied on whatever limited tools and protocols I had been given in my first classes. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that I was well trained, I just lacked the experience and confidence I now have. So, had I listened to her words better, I might have caught that she was more kinesthetic than visual. But, I hadn’t and she kept trying to picture whatever scenarios we set up.
After she shared that she saw nothing with me, the light dawned, the bells rang and I could feel her pain! That is to say, I understood the need to use her language. Not just in repeating goals, but the types of words as well. I explained to her that not all people are visual, but, they can imagine. She had a superior imagination (oh how I wish I could have enjoyed the horseback rides into caverns that she had imagined!) it was just more sensory for her. That is when I realized just how important all the senses are in a session. Beyond sight is smell, taste, sound and touch. When I include all the senses now, a client can go deeper into the event and get even more out of it.
So, for all you readers who close your eyes and don’t see a thing, stop worrying that you are doing something wrong. There is no one path into trance, it is varied and wonderful as each and every individual is.
