On Setting Boundaries

Written by: Debbie

Recently I was treated poorly by an individual who shall remain nameless. He was rude and inconsiderate, so I confronted him on his behavior. He held on to his right to be so rude, so I have jettisoned him from my life and my practice. After our conversation, I decided I wanted to go to Zumba and work off some of the energy that this had created in me. When I arrived at class, I announced that I had made a choice between killing someone and dancing it off. Obviously, by my attendance, the dance/Zumba won. I felt this was a great way for me to turn the energy into something positive and redirect my thinking.

I was amused by a classmate whom I recently have begun to know and like, when said she was surprised at my emotion. She has read my blogs and said something to the effect of, “you sound perfect in what you write”. I laughed with her as I am far, very far from perfect. I have tools to use when I am upset and I consider exercise one of them. I did do some deep breathing on the way to class and even my comment was a failed attempt at using humor. I would love to report that I remain unflustered when others push my buttons that I am all Zen and consider rudeness neither good nor bad, but no, I am not there yet.

Furthermore, I do believe that boundaries are important and there are times one needs to set them. I have had others correct me on occasion, in that regard. There are those who seem to think I should just shine on when another is not respectful of my time and ability. I understand where they are coming from, but I will respectfully disagree with them. I don’t have a need to prove anything to such people regarding my value or the value I offer through my practice. I understand that there will always be those who disagree with me. What I won’t allow is blatant disregard. If your time is valuable and your contributions are to be respected, so are mine.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” Brené Brown

I have a friend who also recently fired a client. She felt that the time and effort this individual was demanding was beyond the income produced by serving them. She decided her emotional balance was more important than any amount of money. We had discussed this prior to her making the move and agreed it was important for her to establish boundaries with this individual. After she had her conversation with the now former client, she reported feeling lighter.

Imagine shedding over 100 pounds in an instant? It is dead weight that is holding you back when you allow another to treat you poorly. You are going to resent it and that can cause emotional eating or stuffing. (Or nail biting or trichotillomania or any of dozens of damaging behaviors. I don’t want to give anyone that much real estate in my head (or my belly)! Turning my anger into an excuse to exercise, I like. After all, during exercise my brain is releasing all kinds of feel good chemicals, plus burning up stored fuel in my body. After Zumba, I was happy as a clam and even went on to a silly Girl’s Poker Night. (I lost all $3 in coins that I bet, but it was worth the giggles.)

Weight Loss Begins Between The Ears

Written by: Debbie

Recently a new client came to see me, wanting me to help her shed the excess weight she has been carrying. This woman is intelligent and educated and very introspective. She knows all she “should” do to be healthier; she even has times where her weight becomes her central focus. She said that she will get to a certain level of fitness and then people start to notice. That scares her and she retreats back into a shell of overeating and sluggishness. She is an all or nothing type personality mixed in with a bit of self-loathing. Because this woman was introspective, she had already begun to understand that her weight gain and weight loss was all between her ears.

I asked her what diets and programs she has used in the past, like so many people I see, her response was, “what haven’t I tried is probably easier to answer”. We found a plan that fit with her current life style and she decided to use it. We talked about movement; she hasn’t much interest in moving. She hates the gym. So, I asked her what she can add into her life that might seem more like fun and less like “working out”. She does take a short walk daily; that is a good start. She has taken tai chi in the past, knows the movements and positions. As she has a great deal of stress in her life, that one seems like a no brainer. Because she is an all or nothing personality, we decided to add little changes into her life, a few at a time.

She has understood now that hypnosis is not necessarily about the “shoulds”, but instead about the “wants”. She wants to be healthy, she wants to feel good and she really, really wants to love herself. Our trance work was focused on her loving herself more, but also on recognizing her emotions. We tend to judge emotions as good or bad, when in actuality, they are simply gauges to help us. If we smell sour milk, that sense tells us not to drink the milk. If we smell fresh cooked vegetables, that sense tells us we can safely eat it. If we feel depressed, then we want to address that feeling. How are we feeling ineffective? It is time to make a plan of action and put it into place (take action). Eating won’t do that and usually ends up in adding to our negative feelings because of guilt, bloating or lethargy. gauging weight loss

I made the comparison to a car. There are many different gauges and lights on a car, not all mean it is time to refuel. The brake warning lights might mean I need new brake pads or that the pressure is off. The oil light is a reminder to have my oil checked, I might need to have it changed or it might be low. Neither of those gauges signifies it is time to refuel, especially if my gas tank is full! All of our senses are important, just as all of our emotions. Perhaps it is just time to listen and respond to the signals as they are sent instead of trying to feed everything.

Can Hypnosis Enhance Artwork?

Written by: Debbie

Can hypnosis enhance artwork or more specifically can it help me enhance my skills? I was recently asked that question and it reminded me of a class I held at an art center several years ago. During the class I explained to the crowd of artists how they are in trance while creating. Many of them agreed that when they were working with the paint or the clay or whatever medium they used, they would lose track of time. The creation seemed to just flow naturally. Perhaps Michelangelo said it best, “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

Hypnosis Facts On Pain Relief

Written by: Debbie

There is hope for your pain

Below are some sample reports regarding the research and effectiveness of hypnosis for pain. Pain is a symptom, so it must first be checked by a doctor. But, with permission (clearance) from your doctor hypnosis can help you. I have been fortunate to help many clients limit or even eliminate their pain through hypnosis. If you are suffering, you may want to ask your doctor if hypnosis is right for you.

Hypnosis Reduces Pain and Speeds up Recovery from Surgery
Since 1992, we have used hypnosis routinely in more than 1400 patients undergoing surgery. We found that hypnosis used with patients as an adjunct to conscious sedation and local anesthesia was associated with improved intraoperative patient comfort, and with reduced anxiety, pain, intraoperative requirements for anxiolytic and analgesic drugs, optimal surgical conditions and a faster recovery of the patient. We reported our clinical experience and our fundamental research. [Hypnosis and its application in surgery] Faymonville ME, Defechereux T, Joris J, Adant JP, Hamoir E, Meurisse M, Service d’Anesthesie-Reanimation, Universite de Liege, Rev Med Liege. 1998 Jul;53(7):414-8.

Hypnosis Reduces Pain Intensity
Analysis of the simple-simple main effects, holding both group and condition constant, revealed that application of hypnotic analgesia reduced report of pain intensity significantly more than report of pain unpleasantness. Dahlgren LA, Kurtz RM, Strube MJ, Malone MD, Differential effects of hypnotic suggestion on multiple dimensions of pain. Journal of Pain & Symptom Management. 1995; 10(6): 464-70.

Hypnosis Reduces Pain of Headaches and Anxiety
The improvement was confirmed by the subjective evaluation data gathered with the use of a questionnaire and by a significant reduction in anxiety scores. Melis PM, Rooimans W, Spierings EL, Hoogduin CA, Treatment of chronic tension-type headache with hypnotherapy: a single-blind time controlled study. Headache 1991; 31(10): 686-9.

Hypnosis Lowered Post-treatment Pain in Burn Injuries
Patients in the hypnosis group reported less post treatment pain than did patients in the control group. The findings are used to replicate earlier studies of burn pain hypnoanalgesia, explain discrepancies in the literature, and highlight the potential importance of motivation with this population. Patterson DR, Ptacek JT, Baseline pain as a moderator of hypnotic analgesia for burn injury treatment. Journal of Consulting & Clinical Psychology 1997; 65(1): 60-7.

Hypnosis Lowered Phantom Limb Pain
Hypnotic procedures appear to be a useful adjunct to established strategies for the treatment of phantom limb pain and would repay further, more systematic, investigation. Suggestions are provided as to the factors which should be considered for a more systematic research program. Treatment of phantom limb pain using hypnotic imagery. Oakley DA, Whitman LG, Halligan PW, Department of Psychology, University College, London, UK.

Hypnosis Has a Reliable and Significant Impact on Acute and Chronic Pain
Hypnosis has been demonstrated to reduce analogue pain, and studies on the mechanisms of laboratory pain reduction have provided useful applications to clinical populations. Studies showing central nervous system activity during hypnotic procedures offer preliminary information concerning possible physiological mechanisms of hypnotic analgesia. Randomized controlled studies with clinical populations indicate that hypnosis has a reliable and significant impact on acute procedural pain and chronic pain conditions. Methodological issues of this body of research are discussed, as are methods to better integrate hypnosis into comprehensive pain treatment. Hypnosis and clinical pain. Patterson DR, Jensen MP, Department of Rehabilitation Medicine, University of Washington School of Medicine, Seattle, WA USA 98104 Psychol Bull. 2003 Jul;129(4):495-521.

Hypnosis is a Powerful Tool in Pain Therapy and is Biological in Addiction to Psychological
Attempting to elucidate cerebral mechanisms behind hypnotic analgesia, we measured regional cerebral blood flow with positron emission tomography in patients with fibromyalgia, during hypnotically-induced analgesia and resting wakefulness. The patients experienced less pain during hypnosis than at rest. The cerebral blood-flow was bilaterally increased in the orbitofrontal and subcallosial cingulate cortices, the right thalamus, and the left inferior parietal cortex, and was decreased bilaterally in the cingulate cortex. The observed blood-flow pattern supports notions of a multifactorial nature of hypnotic analgesia, with an interplay between cortical and subcortical brain dynamics. Copyright 1999 European Federation of Chapters of the International Association for the Study of Pain. Functional anatomy of hypnotic analgesia: a PET study of patients with fibromyalgia. Wik G, Fischer H, Bragee B, Finer B, Fredrikson M, Department of Clinical Neurosciences, Karolinska Institute and Hospital, Stockholm, Sweden Eur J Pain. 1999 Mar;3(1):7-12.

Hypnosis Useful in Hospital Emergency Rooms
Hypnosis can be a useful adjunct in the emergency department setting. Its efficacy in various clinical applications has been replicated in controlled studies. Application to burns, pain, pediatric procedures, surgery, psychiatric presentations (e.g., coma, somatoform disorder, anxiety, and post traumatic stress), and obstetric situations (e.g., hyperemesis, labor, and delivery) are described. Emerg Med Clin North Am. 2000 May;18(2):327-38, x. The use of hypnosis in emergency medicine. Peebles-Kleiger MJ, Menninger School of Psychiatry and Mental Health Sciences, Menninger Clinic, Topeka, KS, USA. [email protected]

I’m Not Gollum

Written by: Debbie

I thought I might be Gollum, you know the fictional character from Lord Of The Rings. Like Gollum, I have coveted something “precious” in the past and it has stolen my joy. But after researching more about Gollum and his psychological profile, I am relieved to say I am not him. Still, the truth is, I have envied others and it did steal the joy from that moment.

What I have come to realize is that it is up to me whether I enjoy my life. I can see the beauty in my morning walks and feel gratitude that I am able to walk safely where I live or I can resent that I have to get up and out by a certain time every day in order to keep my dog from having accidents and keep up with my work schedule. I can enjoy creating fun and different dinners each night with my husband or I can feel put upon that I have to cook. If a friend or neighbor gets a newer and fancier vehicle than mine, does that diminish that I have a safe mode of transportation?

I recently spoke with a client who expressed that she was angry with the Universe because she thought she might not get a job she had interviewed for, her gym was possibly closing and she had to delay a home improvement project due to finances, while someone she knew had just won $5000. When we broke things down into smaller chunks, she realized life might not be all that bad. The job had not been assigned to anyone yet and she was still a candidate. Furthermore, she currently has a very good job. The gym was still open and she had also signed up for some classes in another club where she was making new friends. While the home improvement project might be delayed, she has a lovely home for her and her children to live in. So, maybe she isn’t the Universal Hacky Sack?

Her real issue was something totally different and she had begun to allow that situation to color all of her thinking. She is not alone in doing that. To some extent, it seems we all do. We allow one aggressive driver who cuts us off to change our mood for the day. If you break things down into numbers and percentages though, how much of your total day did you deal with that one incident? I am not fond of being left on hold for twenty minutes by customer service, but out of 24 hours, it is really less than one percent of my day. When I remember that, I can choose to use the time more constructively. I can deep breathe, color or doodle, clean out my spam files; there are any numbers of possibilities. Imagine if I took that time to make a gratitude list, so that the next time I felt jealous of someone else, I could pull it out and remember why my life is so good?

Not Making A Choice Is Still A Choice

Written by: Debbie

Recently I had my hair cut. The gal who did it is very talented at hair styling. She has been doing it for many years and has now decided it is time for a change. She returned to school to learn a new skill and is ready to try a new career. While she thinks it will be exciting, she is filled with apprehension. She spoke with the customer before me about how scared she is and then brought it up with me. She wondered if she was too old, too dumb (even though she has done well in school), too new at it, etc. to get a job. She is going to do very well at the new career, once she begins to believe in herself,

Why? Because she has a passion for the new career, a huge obstacle to happiness is neglecting your calling. I have heard it said that dreams and goals are not placed on our hearts to mock us, but rather to inspire us. If we never go beyond what we know, if we never go beyond our comfort zone, then we will never know what we might have done or been. That, to me, is sadder than trying and failing.

My choice was to leave boring security and pursue hypnosis

Trust me; working in the field of hypnosis has been a leap of faith for me. It has meant leaving the comforts of being an employee and venturing into a business where I have to explain what I do and dispel myths about what I do daily. However, the rewards have been so very worth it. I have witnessed people making life altering changes, opening up to their true potentials and overcome fears that held them paralyzed.

I recently had a client who wasn’t sure what she wanted to pursue career wise, she had an idea, but kept making excuses why it wasn’t the right career for her. She was already in the field, just in a different capacity. Though out her childhood, she had been told she wasn’t enough. Those old tapes remained in her head. We had to find a new tape to play, one that benefitted and fit the person she is today. It was time to evict the person who had torn her down for many years from the space she held in thoughts and move in a new, more supportive person.

One other point for each of these women was they had to stop seeking permission. As children we seek permission to play, go outdoors, to try new things. But, if we never learn to self-govern we continue to seek permission from those around us. Life choices such as career are something we are going to live with, not the people we are asking. It is very powerful when we begin to realize that we have the freedom of choice. We can choose to risk and dare, we can choose to be happy, or we can choose to play it safe and never know the thrill of living fully.

May your choices fulfill you, whatever they are!

My Head Was Ready To Explode

Written by: Debbie

Today I was angry. So angry I wanted to do something about it, so I am writing this. You see I was on a board where a colleague was attempting to sell his expertise. Apparently he thinks himself an expert on weight management. I don’t know him. I don’t know his track record. It may be that he has helped hundreds to shed the weight. What I do know is that he hurt me tremendously. In fact, what he wrote caused me physical pain.

Here is what he said that upset me so much, “Losing weight really is not that hard, just time consuming. People say it is hard because they are lazy and don’t want to get out there and be physically active. They want to take the easy way out and stay in the comfort of their home and diet.” I stared at the screen, blinked and felt myself go blind momentarily while I tried to wrap my head around the fact that anyone who wants to help people shed weight could believe such garbage.

Instant Karma, Life’s Lessons

Written by: Debbie

Life is a great teacher, sometimes irony is the text. There are times when it seems that I get a bit busy helping my clients deal with the everyday “stuff”. I remind them in an appropriate (at least I hope so) manner that some of what they are telling me about is really what we call “first world problems”. I also remind them of the 3 P’s, that is, none of this is permanent, pervasive or personal. After we conduct a hypnosis session on “letting go” they leave all smiles and ready to take on the world.

That is what happened earlier today and THAT is when I got to walk my talk. Today I had one of life’s lessons. I had some free time available to run last minute errands for Easter. I knew I was going to be fully booked and engaged after today, so this was the make or break time to get things done. I took out from their hiding spots the goodies I had for various gift baskets and began to assemble. This would allow me to see what else I needed. Feeling so very efficient (I had done more than I realized in advance) I knew I only needed to get a couple more things to wrap it all up. life lessons

Now, Ms. Organized was ready to hit the road, make a couple of stops and get back in time to drink a green tea and relax. Apparently, when I went to yoga yesterday, I locked my handbag in the back of my car. When I got home, I never thought to get it back out. My husband, at my insistence had driven my car to his office today, so I could use the truck he normally drives. So that left me without cash, credit cards, debit cards or personal I.D. Hey, I am resourceful, I had just been paid by check, so I could run to the bank and deposit It, keeping a little of the money. Oops, wait! I was out of deposit slips. The bank will take your money, but to get cash back, one has to prove who one is.

Now, this was a first world problem, limited time and no money available to me. So after taking a breath, I had to laugh. Was I going to get mad, would that solve anything? Was it worth the energy of anger? What about the 3 P’s: Permanent – I would have my purse back when hubby got home, Pervasive -my health, family, personal life and career are intact and Personal – I did this, it wasn’t done to me. But really, did I have to have Instant Karma?

I did find a work around, thank you Chase Bank in Crystal Beach for being so cooperative without risking my security. Thank you Nancy, my neighbor who happened into the bank at the same time for offering some great laughs, too. Thank you Publix for having the items I wanted on a reduced sale. Most of all, thank you life for an easy lesson this time!

Be Here Now, The Key To Happiness

Written by: Debbie

After posting my blog yesterday about the habits of unhappiness, I happened across this Ted Talk today that was given by Matt Killingsworth. Matt is a researcher on the subject of happiness. In this talk he explains how his research led him to understand that a wandering mind can rob us of our happiness and that by staying in the moment, we remain in a state of happy.

Matt has also created an app for smart phones called Track Your Happiness. The intent is to assist you in tracking what makes you individually happy. I am going to download this for fun, so I thought maybe you too would like to.

Habits Of The Chronically Unhappy

Written by: Debbie

Have you ever known someone who seems miserable, regardless of their circumstances? Perhaps you have even been that person. I know there have been occasions where I just plain wanted to indulge in a pity party. After a particularly bad bought of such emotions, I decided to take a look at what was really going on and made a determined effort to change it. In doing so I became aware of the deadly habits of the chronically unhappy and how I fix them.

DebbieDona

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” Brené Brown

“In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.”

There is hope for your pain

My choice was to leave boring security and pursue hypnosis